Contact order

[chil]

Re: Contact order

From what you say about his history, he seems quite consistently flaky, if that isn't an oxymoron. So whether he would have the tenacity and perserverence required to follow through on his threats is by no means certain.

Whilst you might be wise to start your "war chest", try not to worry too much about it until it actually happens.

Thank you, whilst it is easier said than done, your advice and support is much appreciated. We have an appointment with a solicitor next Tuesday to discuss our way forward. We have since had a call from a mediation service to say that he has seen them to give 'his side of events' and to arrange for me to do the same (first I've heard of this as no notice was given prior) When I spoke to the mediator on the phone he was very one sided and made me feel very uncomfortable, I will not be agreeing to anything until I have spoken to my brief.

[MissFM]

Re: Contact order

Hi Chil,

To give a slightly different perspective (please disregard if you find it unhelpful), I would definitely go to mediation with a list of very firm ground rules for the future - depending, of course, on the advice of your solicitor. For example, even if you did agree to some form of controlled contact, your OH, not the Bio, remains the only Dad etc.. If you don't engage at this point you run the risk of losing any initiative and things becoming bitter and confrontational.

The other thing that occurs to me (as a parent of someone, now adult, with ASD) is that as your son grows up you might find, as we did, that you, your son - the whole family - need a great deal of support from adults who love him unconditionally (quite apart from the input of professionals and others paid to support). By this I mean practical, hands-on help, not just emotional support. If the Bio is able to take a mature approach and fit in with your ground rules and routine it may be a huge extra resource for you all in the future.

I wish you all the luck in the world, whatever you decide. xx

[chil]

Re: Contact order

Hi Chil,

To give a slightly different perspective (please disregard if you find it unhelpful), I would definitely go to mediation with a list of very firm ground rules for the future - depending, of course, on the advice of your solicitor. For example, even if you did agree to some form of controlled contact, your OH, not the Bio, remains the only Dad etc.. If you don't engage at this point you run the risk of losing any initiative and things becoming bitter and confrontational.

The other thing that occurs to me (as a parent of someone, now adult, with ASD) is that as your son grows up you might find, as we did, that you, your son - the whole family - need a great deal of support from adults who love him unconditionally (quite apart from the input of professionals and others paid to support). By this I mean practical, hands-on help, not just emotional support. If the Bio is able to take a mature approach and fit in with your ground rules and routine it may be a huge extra resource for you all in the future.

I wish you all the luck in the world, whatever you decide. xx

Thanks for the support, in this situation contact would not be good as there have been issues involving my son's health and well being that have been disregarded by the Bio. He has not seen him for over two years and contact had to be stopped on advice from the police as he kept sending me abusive messages. My sons consultant, school and support worker have advised that contact would damage my sons progress.

[leclerc]

Re: Contact order

Thanks for the support, in this situation contact would not be good as there have been issues involving my son's health and well being that have been disregarded by the Bio. He has not seen him for over two years and contact had to be stopped on advice from the police as he kept sending me abusive messages. My sons consultant, school and support worker have advised that contact would damage my sons progress.

They NEED to have an input into the mediation process as well and I think it is important for the mediation service to take into account the people who are supporting him.

My question is slightly different: do you have a National Autistic Society support group near to you that meet regularly? If so, then it might be worth trying to go, if you can, so that you also get the support(emotionally) that you need.

I would also suggest(and some of these things you may well have done so I may be repeating myself) to look at the section of the NAS site about legal representation: http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with...with-asds.aspx

Unfortunately, the Children's and Families Act 2014 is in operation which kinda has a disadvantage in this case where the father having contact would or could be detrimental to the child's well being.