What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

[Kitiara]

This is just a question really.....

At what age would you deem it suitable (not legal) for a child to be left alone in the house? (even for a short period of time)

Apparently there is no "legal" age for a child to reach before being left which I think is strange!

We had an hysterical call from my Partners 10 year old son on Wednesday night about 10:30pm saying he was in the house on his own and he was frightened. After managing to calm him down it appears he had been left while his Mum, Stepdad & 21 year old brother had gone to collect her broken down car from about half a mile away (they had been gone about 10 mins at this point) His Mum had woken him and asked him if he WANTED to go with them to get the car, as it was cold and he was already in bed he said he didn't want to go, expecting her to say "ok we will leave it til morning" ... she didn't ... she went anyway and left him! If she really needed to collect the car at that very instant, surely she should have MADE him go, not given him a choice?

We spoke to him for around 20 mins reassuring him and keeping him occupied before he said he had just got a text and he would call us back. The text was from his Mum saying his brother was on his way back and would be there in the next 5 mins or so. She had ignored the 3 texts and 2 calls he had made to her before calling us. My Partner rang her just as she reached the front door and she firstly said he had only been left 5 mins, when we said we knew it was at least 20 mins as we had been on the phone that long, she admitted it was nearer 40 mins and then proceeded to shout at son for ringing Dad. Now the car was perfectly safe where it was and had been there since it broke down at 5pm - parked on a well lit street and could have quite easily have been recovered the next day while son was at school.

Are we over reacting here? We know she has left him on 2 occasions during the day several months ago, this was for over an hour each time.

Thanks,
Kit

[FlamingParrot]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

I'm not an authority on this but, as part of my work, I put together interactive parenting guides for the NHS and local authorities. Children left alone is one subject often mentioned in such guides, the age quoted is usually 12/13. Obviously you can't generalise, it depends on the child and the circumstances.

I think in the US there is actually a minimum legal age of 13, at least it was in the state of California when I was living there, but that was a long time ago.

[PlanB]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

I'm a Mum and I would have scooped him up and taken him with me however cold, wet and windy it was. She could have made it an adventure so he would have been thrilled to go along for the ride. You don't ask a 10 year old what they want to do when safety is an issue you tell a 10 year old. If it had been daytime that would be different but a 10 year old alone in a house in the dark is very scary for the poor lad. I left my ten year old home alone during the day for short trips to the shops etc. Nightime is a whole other story.

Why did it take three people to collect a car when surely two was enough? The 21 year brother old should have stayed behind

[Kitiara]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

I totally agree about the brother staying behind, her excuse ... "we needed him to help push the car if it still wouldn't start" If they had waited til morning there would have been plenty of helpers to move the car!!

[labman]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

I wouldn't have left my daughter at that age, and certainly not for that reason. Having said that, I was sent to boarding school aged just 8 (as many still are) and had very lengthy periods of time unsupervised where I could get up to anything, or nowadays anything could have happened to me.

[Sapphire]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

As someone who wanted children and couldn't have them (I am however a step parent, grandparent and great grandparent), I have to say that people like that make me bloody furious, so I have to say further that it actually makes me bloody furious most of the time when I see or read of the irresponsible parenting these days.

[Kitiara]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

Sapphy - thank you for what you have just said, I was starting to think that maybe I was being a neurotic Stepmum (to be), we are currently going through a residency application and sometimes we can look for "ammunition" where it is really just wishful thinking on our part. We have had 2 CAFCAS officers say that residency should be given to his Dad & me, and final hearing is in June (should have been April but huge c*ck up by CAFCAS means it was adjourned) but if we are lucky enough to get him, there is no way I would ever leave him on his own at that age ... my own (now grown up) kids were much older than that before they were left after dark on their own. Like you Sapphy, it makes my blood boil when I hear of things like this, but when it concerns someone close its soooo hard to take. This is actually only one of many MANY things she has done, but if I was to list them - I reckon you would blow a gasket!

[Sapphire]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

Thank you for the nice words, believe me when I say to you that being a Step mum is a hell of a lot harder than being a 'natural' mum, and it gets harder as they grow up, but in the end its worth it, honestly it really is.

Oh and go on post away, my gasket blew years ago.

[PlanB]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

we are currently going through a residency application and sometimes we can look for "ammunition" where it is really just wishful thinking on our part. We have had 2 CAFCAS officers say that residency should be given to his Dad & me, and final hearing is in June

I've just read your other rather touching thread on this issue, and I can see that leaving her son home alone at night is not the only thing she doesn't get right

http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/...?36706-What-if

[cowbag]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

As someone who wanted children and couldn't have them (I am however a step parent, grandparent and great grandparent), I have to say that people like that make me bloody furious, so I have to say further that it actually makes me bloody furious most of the time when I see or read of the irresponsible parenting these days.

Hi Saffy

I totally agree, I also couldn't have children but like you have the Step children and grandchildren (not up to great grandchildren yet but I am sure my time will come!) When I hear about things like this I can only think some people don't deserve children and I haven't got any!!!

Cowbag xx

[Kitiara]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

Ohhh ok ....lol

She toook him to America for a 3 week holiday and stayed 5 months (marrying an American while she was there) only coming back as she was being sued by the council.

His Stepdad has hit him, which she denied to the police and courts until recently then admitted it saying it was only once, in his Stepdad's spousal support statement for the residency application, he has admitted it was twice.

She stopped us seeing him for 7 months because we kept him an extra 5 hours when the accusation about his Stepdad hitting him was reported to the police and they wanted to interview him, she decided there was a "trust" issue and we were not allowed any visits birthday or xmas - this from a woman who took him to America for 5 bloody months!!

We pick him up on a Friday at 5:30pm from Essex where he lives and drive back to Kent, usually don't get home until 7:30pm, the only thing he has had to eat all day is his school lunch, so we now take him some snacks to keep him going til he can have a proper meal when we get home.

Her "cure" for a verucca was to wrap 5 layers of duct tape round his foot to smother it instead of getting some bazukka as it was cheaper!

She spends upto 12 hours a day on her laptop playing games (as does her hubby) so *L* is left to amuse himself, he has no friends so sits in his room all the time.


He has to wait until she gets up to have breakfast at the weekend as all the bowls and cereals etc are in a cupboard he can't reach, she won't leave them down for him the night before, and he knows not to climb to reach them. Sometimes he doesn't get anything to eat until their evening meal as she didn't get up in time for breakfast, then made him wait til lunch time, if he doesn't like what she has decided to make, he is not allowed anything else and has to go without.

He is the 3rd of her 4 children (4 kids 4 dads) who doesn't want to live with her, she doesn't see her son 24 or daughter 22 (I love her daughter to bits and see her regularly - she is actually a witness for us against her mother for the residency application). She won't allow *L* to see his big sister and they have had no contact for 5 years now, but that will change the minute we get him.

This is all money orientated, she is on several benefits, the majority are claims for *L* Child benefit, child tax credits, CSA, income support etc, if she loses him, she loses around £500 per month ....

I won't bore you with any more (and they are the tamer of the list)

Suffice to say - I can't wait till we have him and we can treat him like the little boy he is, not some pawn to be used against her ex. If she spent as much time and energy loving him as she does hating her ex ......

[Sapphire]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

Ohhh ok ....lol

She toook him to America for a 3 week holiday and stayed 5 months (marrying an American while she was there) only coming back as she was being sued by the council. Bloody foolish, selfish idiot and possible child abduction

We pick him up on a Friday at 5:30pm from Essex where he lives and drive back to Kent, usually don't get home until 7:3-pm, the only thing he has had to eat all day is his school lunch, so we now take him some snacks to keep him going til he can have a proper meal when we get home. Child abuse

Her "cure" for a verucca was to wrap 5 layers of duct tape round his foot to smother it instead of getting some bazukka as it was cheaper! Child abuse

She spends upto 12 hours a day on her laptop playing games (as does her hubby) so *L* is left to amuse himself, he has no friends so sits in his room all the time. Lazy mare and its child abuse again

His Stepdad has hit him, which she denied to the police and courts until recently then admitted it saying it was only once, in his Stepdad's spousal support statement for the residency application, he has admitted it was twice. child abuse

He has to wait until she gets up to have breakfast at the weekend as all the bowls and cereals etc are in a cupboard he can't reach, she won't leave them down for him the night before, and he knows not to climb to reach them. Sometimes he doesn't get anything to eat until their evening meal as she didn't get up in time for breakfast, then made him wait til lunch time, if he doesn't like what she has decided to make, he is not allowed anything else and has to go without. Child abuse big time

He is the 3rd of her 4 children (4 kids 4 dads) who doesn't want to live with her, she doesn't see her son 24 or daughter 22 (I love her daughter to bits and see her regularly - she is actually a witness for us against her mother for the residency application). She won't allow *L* to see his big sister and they have had no contact for 5 years now, but that will change the minute we get him. Good

This is all money orientated, she is on several benefits, the majority are claims for *L* Child benefit, child tax credits, CSA, income support etc, if she loses him, she loses around £500 per month .... typical of a certain type of breeder

I won't bore you with any more (and they are the tamer of the list)

Suffice to say - I can't wait till we have him and we can treat him like the little boy he is, not some pawn to be used against her ex. If she spent as much time and energy loving him as she does hating her ex ......

I live in Essex, send him to me I'll look after the poor little bugger.

[Kitiara]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

Sapphy .... thank you :hugxx

[Inca]

Re: What age is suitable to leave a child alone in the house?

As u can imagine..I got a lot to say on this...but only just got home so need a wee,tea and 20 fags then will post