My ex won't let my son back home

[Mandym7519]

Hi me and my ex spilt up 4 years ago we have a son who is now 7 I agreed that my son could go and spend a week in the summer holidays with his dad, (who lives 150 miles away)
day 2 into the week my son rings me in the middle of the night crying and begging me to pick him up, he's upset and said his dad told him that he's going to hurt me and his baby brother, I assured my son it won't happen and that I would call tomorrow and see what's happening.
I called his dad and asked why he said that, my son was still crying begging for me to go and get him and I promised him I would,
Then I get a call from social services saying my ex has contacted the police and said I am mistreating my son and that he is now keeping him with him forever because his clothes are too small:/
I apparently have no rights to get my child because the father is on the birth certificate and has joint Parental responsibility..

I got onto the police and social services, showed them messages that my son had sent me begging to come home, and saying his dad's going to kill me... but they can't do anything and I feel helpless
I wondered how I go about getting him back? Do I need to go to court, he has apparently got him in a new school, got him in a doctors, claimed child benefit etc for him, and won't let me contact or speak to my son, he's taken his mobile off him, and I can't bare to think about my son crying wanting his mum, and I can't get hold of him to reassure him that I'm here for him
I feel sick and helpless and don't know what to do
any help advice is much appreciated
Thankyou

[Law Student 6]

Hello,

Im so sorry to hear about your situation, bless you and your poor child.

Overall a parent cannot stop the other seeing a child unless the court has ordered to do so. If the child is scared of the father due to some kind of abuse or harm, then you would need to speak to the child and gather evidence which may prove the child being at risk, your evidence being the text messages.

Even though your name is not on the birth certificate you have joint parental responsibility which claims your right to see the child.

As it seems extremely difficult to speak to your ex partner and agree on new arrangements for the child you can try a child contact centre which is a safe place where your child and your ex-partner can meet or have ‘contact’. This might help if you’re struggling to communicate with your ex-partner or you don’t want to see them. You can find out more about contact centres on the National Association of Contact Centres (NACC) website.

If this method is not working you should try mediation before going to court - it can be cheaper and usually quicker. You can check if you’re eligible for legal aid on GOV.UK.

If non of the options above work then you can go to court. You’ll have to tell the court what your original agreements were and why they didn’t work. You’ll also need to tell them what new arrangements you think will work.

If your partner makes you feel anxious or threatened, you should get help. You can call Refuge or Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 at any time.

Hope this helps.

[Law Student 6]

ULA Celestine

[echat11]

Hi Mandym7519

Do you think mediation would help if your ex was willing?

https://www.relate.org.uk/london-nor...hire/mediation

[Mandym7519]

Hi and thankyou for your help,
I am 100% sure my ex won't agree to going to a contact centre, or mediation
He has basically do not contact him again as he is going to court, and has been advised by the police to not let my son speak to me,
he has told the police that he is going for full custody,
I forwarded the messages to the social services and the police, they then did a welfare visit, and said everything is fine,
my son told me that his dad has told him to lie (which I know my son will do so his dad doesn't get angry)
I called just before and my ex and his family just laughed and said haha the police did nothing you are never getting your son back.
How do I go about applying for mediation?
If that's something I have to try before court then I am willing to do it but I know my ex won't.

Thankyou

[echat11]

Post 4, there might be a fee for both parties dependent on income.

[Mandym7519]

Thankyou for the link, my ex won't agree to mediation I know that for sure if he doesn't agree do I still need to go down that route before applying to court? He seems to think he can just go to court, stop me having any contact what so ever and that's it? I assume he can't go to court before mediation? He said he's already gone to court to apply for custody, but I know he does lie about things and tries to be in control over everything, that's the reason we split he was very controlling, paranoid and emotionally abusive.

[echat11]

Thankyou for the link, my ex won't agree to mediation I know that for sure if he doesn't agree do I still need to go down that route before applying to court? He seems to think he can just go to court, stop me having any contact what so ever and that's it? I assume he can't go to court before mediation? He said he's already gone to court to apply for custody, but I know he does lie about things and tries to be in control over everything, that's the reason we split he was very controlling, paranoid and emotionally abusive.

The courts require people to try to resolve matters through other means before turning to them, i.e. mediation etc. The courts should be the last resort.

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups...her/mediation/

[Law Student 6]

Hello again,




Your first step should be to send a registered letter to your ex-partner in which you ask them to reinstate contact between you and your children. Don't forget to take a copy of the letter for your records and keep your proof of sending. As mentioned above, going to court is always seen as a last resort and you will usually have to show that you have both attended a mediation meeting before you can apply.

If this produces no action, and your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you have no alternative but to go to court and ask for an interim contact order costing £215. As you have parental responsibility this allows you to have contact with your child until a full court hearing resolves the matter one way or another. Further guidance to apply can be found on here - https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/family-court-applications-that-involve-children-cb1

In order to obtain a contact order you will need to submit the correct form to the court, C100 found here - https://www.gov.uk/government/public...y-or-discharge

If you need a hearing in the next 3 days, send the original form and 3 copies of it to the nearest court that deals with cases involving children. If you do not need a hearing in the next 3 days, send the original form only to C100 Applications:

C100 Applications

PO BOX 4936

69 Buckingham Avenue

Slough

SL1 0JR




I hope this helps.

[Law Student 6]

ULA Celestine

[Mandym7519]

Hi and thankyou for your help, I dont even have my exes full address, I managed to track it on my Sons iPhone but it isn't accurate, (my ex moved but didn't tell me until my son was already there) I am going to try the mediation fingers crossed he agrees you have been a great help
thankyou.

[Mandym7519]

I was just wondering if I found out where he lives and travel down there see my son and take him home with me ( I know he will run to me and not leave my side) and beg for me to take him.
would I get done? Somebody advised me to do this but I don't want to get in trouble.

[echat11]

I was just wondering if I found out where he lives and travel down there see my son and take him home with me ( I know he will run to me and not leave my side) and beg for me to take him.
would I get done? Somebody advised me to do this but I don't want to get in trouble.

Not advisable, you will only 'inflame' the situation and have the authorities against you.

[Celestine]

Mandy - In addition to the advice offered here, can you or your family afford a solicitor to make an emergency application to the family courts to resolve this situation? You as the birth mother have Parental Rights automatically. I say this because these types of situations need tackling urgently and you must not allow precedent to build up of the child living with his father, given so many years have passed without this.

[Celestine]

Not advisable, you will only 'inflame' the situation and have the authorities against you.

The police will be called and allegations of breach of peace etc will be made to keep you from taking the child. This would only reflect badly on any future court applications. You need to ask the courts to act to get your son back and they WILL do so if you move calmly but assertively to restore your maternal rights. The Fathers conduct WILL backfire.