Dilema

[Cluemeup]

This is not so much of a legal issue but is rather a moral issue in which I really am in need of some sound advice if possible.

My father in law is 78 and starting to shows Signs of dementia. He has high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. He owns his own property and it is paid up in full. He only lets his son and me into his property as he has a full on hording problem.

It is really bad and things have to be moved, squeezed passed and tight pathways created just to get anywhere in the property. I have tried to talk to him and get him to acknowledge the problem but he does not see a problem. Wont let me Hire a Skip and refuses to do anything.

I am so concerned that if something was to happen to him there is no way the paramedics could even get to him letalone get him out and to hospital.

and then there is the fire hazard issue.
not to mention the old tiles on the kitchen ceiling that were outlawed decades ago.
plus the fire alarms no longer working.

His son and I have talked this Through and both agree that we have to act before a disaster happens but we have no idea how to actually take charge of the situation without his consent.

really Greatful for sound compassionate advice please x

[EnglandPi]

You understand your farthers situation completely. Its up to you to take control of the situation before (in your own words) a disaster happens.

[echat11]

Hi Cluemeup

Clearly his health & safety as pointed out is a priority for you.

If there is any value in the stuff, maybe put it to your father in law that the proceeds will help do up bits and pieces in the house that urgently need upgrading. If you think about it, he values the items and explaining that once sold they would be going to a good home and be cared for would help, because he clearly cares about them, wanting to hold on to them.

[Cluemeup]

Like I said he has a hording problem and therefore there is absolutley no way he would sell anything because he believes he may need it. Also I am unaware how to take control of any situation in a person life who will not even acknowledge a problem let a lone begin to deal with it.
I was accused by him the other day of treating him like a four year old because I told his son that he has started to forget things like indicating and changing gear when He drives. I care about him so much and he has been more of a father to me than my own biological dad. If anyone Here thinks the solution is to report his condition without his consent is the solution then Im afraid you dont understand that by doing so would be a betrayal and not something anyone should do to someone they love. I dont want a disaster to happen, I want to find a solution which is why I am asking for help. I know that he knows there is a problem as he is constantly worried about insignificant stuff and very quick tempered and fustrated with constantly forget-me-nots everything. How can I make him see that if he wants to keep the independece he has always cherished he should acknowledge and take action this moment? Or should I just accept that what will be will be and his life is just that?

[echat11]

islandgirl

[DE DOGS]

Believe me, it's not easy, once he makes his mind up virtually impossible to change it, then the arguments start, try asking for help from Social Services, they may but only may try and help, just depends on the day how he reacts, also the local Council possibly my step in,believe me, it's not easy to cope with.Good luck

[Sam101]

Someone like Age Concern may well have come across similar situations to this. Have a word with them and see if they can shed any light on solutions for the problem.

Possibly suggest that helping charities by gifting some of the accumulation. As long as he believes that he is helping charity, but you can dump the real rubbish and just pass on the items that may help charities.

You can always start a conversation along the lines that you have been helping someone else in this way. A few little white lies can be justified if it is helping such a situation.

[des8]

Of course if his condition is affecting his ability to drive safely steps need to be taken, not only for his own safety, but also other road users.

Perhaps an approach to his GP, who might be prepared to carry out an assessment under the guise of a routine check up, without mentioning your input.

[islandgirl]

What a difficult situation. Some good advice re Age Concern, GP etc. I don't think this is a massively uncommon mental illness and there are probably pathways to help but it is so hard when the person involved does not see a problem. Perhaps the GP could arrange for the community nurse to call by "just to check on him as he has reached a certain age where they do standard health checks" and "discover" the problem without anything leading back to you? I wish you luck - please tell us what happens.

[DE DOGS]

What a difficult situation. Some good advice re Age Concern, GP etc. I don't think this is a massively uncommon mental illness and there are probably pathways to help but it is so hard when the person involved does not see a problem. Perhaps the GP could arrange for the community nurse to call by "just to check on him as he has reached a certain age where they do standard health checks" and "discover" the problem without anything leading back to you? I wish you luck - please tell us what happens.

Some very good advice there, It's not until you live with it you then begin to understand the problems.