Non-Molesation Order

[Jammers]

Hi all,

I am thinking about applying for a non-molestation order for my ex. Like with any relationship it was complicated. We were in an intimate relationship for a significant duration but did not live together or have any children. We do however, work in the same department for my local authority. He sits approximately 50 feet away from me although we have little or no need for contact at work. There are 3 crime references 1 for malicious communications/coercive behaviour (police decided not to prosecute), 1 for rape (he had a non custodial interview and it was my wish for him not to be prosecuted for this) and another for contacting me following the police advising us BOTH that we should not contact each other. Just to note, this was informal advice but not a caution.

If I may, I have set out a serious of events and marked which of these I have evidence for.

- Relationship started in Feb 2019 but first broke down in May 2019 after his disclosure that he had another boyfriend.

- The respondent called me in May 2019 and explained how he did not like a colleague of ours and detailed how he would kill and torture this colleague.

- Not long after we got into an argument where he threatened to kill me and destroy me at work.

- The respondent Ex partner and I met. We spent the night. The respondent then attempted to commit suicide. He sent me pictures of himself in hospital. EVIDENCED

- The respondent made me feel guilty for meeting up with his ex partner by accusing him of systemic rape and physical abuse over a 2 year period. EVIDENCED

- The respondent and I began to date again after he said I needed my help to get over his ex. I felt pressured into dating him again.

- The respondent accused me of condoning the rape and abuse he had suffered during an argument (I did not - EVIDENCED). He then started to turn colleagues against me making me feel uncomfortable at work. I myself became suicidal.

- Respondent messaged me to 'have it out with me' EVIDENCED. The respondent pressured me into deleting all of our messages - calling me a hoe and a slag.

- The respondent ex partner and I became friends again. In October 2019 the respondent sent me a death threat and threats of physical violence (EVIDENCED).

- Work became aware, set up mediation in December 2019. I felt better. We were intimate a few times following this.

- I attended a party where the respondent was present. The respondent was very drunk and needed a number of people to hold him back from physically assaulting me (please note he is 6 foot 8).

- I called the respondent and told him I did not want anymore contact with him.

- My mental health deteriorated. I stupidly but some of his messages on Instagram. The respondent called the police and accused me of harassment.

- I went to the police, they considered his actions to me to be low level domestic abuse, coercive behaviour and malicious communications. Incident of rape also. No further action. Jan/Feb 2020.

- Work arranged use of separate smoking areas and toilets. The respondent ignored this arrangement and followed me out to smoking area. Work were aware and told him he would face serious consequence if he did that again. EVIDENCED

- Respondent called me and text me (end of March 2020). EVIDENCED.

So my main reason for taking out this order is because the respondent has ignored the advice of the police and my workplace. He has aggressive tendancies, is diagnosed with bi polar and is on the autism spectrum. I am obviously in fear of the respondent causing me harm and emotional distress. I have a GP letter setting out the medication I have been on due to this, the time taken off work and my disclosure to the GP of his abuse.

I know I obviously need legal advice, but I would like to know - does it seem likely that this non-molestation would work? I would be happy for the respondent to agree to undertakings as well. Any advice anyone can give moving forward would be great.

Jamie

[Celestine]

Hi there - This post is definitely a great example of 'don't date people at work' :o

But seriously, this is a very unpleasant situation for you and looks likely to continue to fester while you two have contact via your workplace.

You may be successful in a non molestation application, but not certain by any means. I fear the fact that you work in the same department may impact the likelihood of success as it would be nigh on impossible to make the order work in practice. The court may view the impact as draconian as it would probably force the end of his employment. Also, the courts are only operating for the most urgent matters currently, such as co-habiting partners who have separated but need urgent remedy for immediate safety. You will struggle to get a hearing in the current climate.*
Given that you work for a local authority, is there anything more they can do to influence his behaviour. Could either of you move departments/teams?*
Best of luck to you.*

[Jammers]

Thanks for your reply Celestine.

I started in my workplace as an apprentice and have moved up and am on a decent salary for my experience. They are offering me a lot of training and qualifications along with my job. It's a difficult situation but I know I will feel more comfortable if I can just get something in place which means I know he can't get to me.

Even though we do work in the same department we have absolutely no need to for contact when it comes to work.


Is there not a way for the conditions of the non-mol to have a caveat that says that contact is allowed only if it's work related?

I see what your saying about not getting a hearing any time soon, There are a lot of people in far worse situations than me. Would a harassment order be better do you think?

[Jammers]

We had the first hearing last month. He was represented by a solicitor. A few points.*




- I would not agree to cross undertakings. I argued that since the police became involved I have not had any contact with him - meanwhile he has continued to message me and has gone against the measures put in place by my workplace.*




- He attempted to agree to undertakings - however the judge would only allow this WITH PREJUDICE. Having googled non-molestation orders constantly for months now, this came as a bit of a surprise as usually undertakings are agreed on the basis that there is no admission of fault. I can only imagine it is because of the amount of exhibits I attached with my witness statement (death threats etc)?




- I just got a letter through saying that there will be a final hearing in July. The court has ordered the police to give all notes/complaints we've made against each other. I thought there would be a Fact Finding Hearing?*




It seems as though this isn't going the way I expected i.e. the usual procedures - first hearing, fact finding, final hearing etc. I'm not too sure if that's a good thing or not?*
*

[satsuma]

hello, i am not a legal professional and thus don't know about the process; but rape and death threats are extremely serious and should not be inflicted on anybody (as is putting people in fear); obviously if he is bipolar and has attempted suicide there is problems with his psychological functioning (if he was raped; this again is an act of atrocity);

i would guess there will be enough fact already from the police reports, evidence, and in the interests of justice the judges (in regard to history of coercive behaviour etc) will already be looking for a remedy as they will want you to be protected, but they obviously cannot deprive him of livelihood, nor cause him psychological distress (considering history of attempted suicide etc); there is also probability unfortunately that a injunction may be broken (potentially leading to custodial sentance); hence i believe no need for further fact finding (because such acts are in violation of human right and i am guessing they are already seeking remedy); again; this is a guess though.

kind regards.