Abusive ex has got daughter to walk out

[Chicksmummy]

Hi All

I am mum to a 15 year old have joint PR with ex-husband. Separated 13 years ago.

Ex was controlling tries controlling daughter very hormonal and argumentative after she’s seen him he questions her what we do, so I speak about him and so on constantly blames me for everything says we are no good says me and new husband are bad parents days we are abusive.

Things kicked off Sunday daughter asked if her friend can stay over said no tried to explain why she wouldn’t listen walked off slams doors later claims she does not give an F what we say won’t bring her friend into this environment!

Daughter goes to friend on Monday agreed she could stay there. Yesterday phone had died she had tried calling never knew until phone had power tried to talk to her she got abusive and hung up tried to contact several times no joy.

Stepmum brings daughter home they spend a lot of time outside talking she then thumps the window demanding to be let in and flies into full in rage.

daughter is shouting and screaming at me swearing chucking stuff and will not calm down claiming I’ve not paid her phone bill for months and she’s been cut off I ask has she had a call or message she claims she has a message won’t show me the phone. I know I’ve paid it as it’s on my statement she becomes more abusive continues swearing a son shouting she’s terrified my other children who are younger one of whom has learning difficulties.

my husband tries to help yes he shouted at her to calm down and show some respect and stop swearing she’s then turns on him continually name calling and told him to F off he said no and said you F off then he asks her to get out of the kitchen she won’t he just says get out of the room go upstairs go on get out she rings ex and says they have said I’ve got to get out of the house.

Ex husband rocks up in his van swearing at me in the street name calling me and husband and takes daughter off. He also claims we abandoned our daughter with no phone, food etc! I did ask him to calm down.

not heard anything since I have no clue what happened as to why it kicked off why daughter wouldn’t listen she’s told people she coming home hasn’t arrived so far.

Am I in my rights to report ex to police for his behaviour as this is regular for him as he’s controlling.

a few months back he also took my daughters xbox to repair that I had paid for he’s told her it’s in its warranty and as it’s in my name he can’t get it repaired but he’s never returned it and no one knows where it is. Is this theft?

[efpom]

Very sad story.

It's not my place to offer advice on social interactions between parents and their children. I confine myself to giving my opinion on the law.

To answer your 1st question: Anybody can report anything to the police about anything. Whether the police will investigate is entirely up to them.

It is a certainty, however, that any investigation by the police or any inquiry by the court will be aimed at the welfare of the child. If that concludes in a finding that it's in the child's best interest that the parents rights are suspended or removed permanently then that's what will happen.

To answer your 2nd question: You made a gift of this xbox to your child. In consequence, anything that later happened to it is not your business, as you do not own it. Your daughter can sell it, give it away, or smash it to bits. As it happened, you say that she asked her father to get it repaired and he could not do so as the item's warranty was in your name and the item cannot now be found.

Misplacing someone else's property is not theft.

[Chicksmummy]

Thanks efpom for your reply it is very much appreciated.

I write the post whilst very hormonal as it’s all so raw.

Having reflected I understand the stance on the Xbox it’s a civil matter rather than theft I would like it back broken or not and will ask for it.

For my daughter I’ve backed off and given her space and I hope she will come home when she’s ready. It may be she chooses to go and live with her dad and if she does that’s ok whilst it will hurt me but I will do anything for her which she knows deep down.

If if she does come home I will look at getting her booked in with the GP as this behaviour needs addressing there’s a lot of anger and her behaviours reflect her dads in terms of control as well so I am keen to break this vicious circle.

I too need to break this vicious circle with my ex and make a firm stand that his behaviour is not acceptable. I will report the incident to the police and I am going to talk to his boss because when he turned up he was in his company van and uniform and he’s letting the company down acting the way he is and hoping a firm word off his boss will also show him he cannot keep doing this.

Me and my husband have talked we both said it got too far and we are still confused as to how it all happened but will not get involved in any further arguments.

[efpom]

Thank you for your kind words.

I am going to break a rule of mine - the one right at the beginning of my 1st post.

My advice, for what it's worth, is: Don't do anything spiteful.

I wish your daughter every happiness - may she grow up to be a delight to her parents and I and wish her parents - both of them, good luck and with that, I bow out.