Can a manager ignore personal boundaries and use 'mate' instead of name?

[Eager99]

Hello,

I’d like to ask for your view on a workplace issue involving informal forms of address.

In a large company, one specific manager persistently addressed me using informal terms I found personally uncomfortable—such as “pal,” “mate,” “sir,” and “my friend.” Despite my polite verbal request for him to stop, he continued. I escalated the issue to more senior managers, but the behaviour still persisted.

After I submitted formal complaints, other managers also began using similar informal terms toward me—intermittently, but noticeably—as if in response to my grievance. This behaviour was not casual or mutual; it came from those in positions of authority and appeared to escalate after I made it clear that such language was unwelcome.

Later, a senior manager formally responded that it was “entirely acceptable and reasonable” to refer to someone as “mate” instead of their name, even if the person had clearly requested otherwise.

My questions to the forum:

– Can a manager ignore a worker’s personal boundaries and still claim to be acting reasonably?

– Is it acceptable to use informal addressing against an employee’s will, especially from those in authority?

– When several managers begin using such terms after a formal grievance is raised, can this be considered psychological pressure or a breach of dignity?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

[PallasAthena]

Why do you object?

[wales01man]

I once worked with a guy who called everyone Harold so he didnt have to remember names

[Eager99]

Why do you object?

Thank you for your question.

I believe that personal boundaries should be respected without requiring justification, especially in professional settings. When someone politely expresses that a certain behaviour or form of address is unwelcome, the respectful and reasonable response is to stop, not to question why they feel that way.

Of course, I'm always open to discussion, but at the core, my request was simple: I prefer to be addressed by my name, especially by people in positions of authority. That preference should be enough. Mutual respect doesn't require an explanation, only recognition. Would you agree with me?

Just can add some more information, that the managers who entered this collective acions, had grievances against them (live)

[Eager99]

I once worked with a guy who called everyone Harold so he didnt have to remember names

Thanks, Harold, I appreciate your comment

[des8]

Having made clear your preference to be addressed by your name, I recall a respectful response used to be to ignore those who used overfamiliar terms.
Mind you that was in the days when at school surnames were used even between friends

Showing my age again

[Pezza54]

Have a read of the article "Calling a man bald is harassment" at www.pearsonlegal.co.uk

An employee won their employment tribunal case after a manager called him baldy. He had been sacked following heated exchanges with his manager.

IMO what you have been called so far doesn't constitute a breach of the Equality Act 2010

[PallasAthena]

https://www.pearsonlegal.co.uk/blog/...is-harassment/

The claimant in baldy convinced a Tribunal that because baldness is more common in men 'baldy' was was a sex discriminatory comment so fell within the protected characteristics of the Equality Act. It's not obvious how the criteria in the judgement would apply to the OP

[Eager99]

https://www.pearsonlegal.co.uk/blog/...is-harassment/

The claimant in baldy convinced a Tribunal that because baldness is more common in men 'baldy' was was a sex discriminatory comment so fell within the protected characteristics of the Equality Act. It's not obvious how the criteria in the judgement would apply to the OP

Thanks for the link , I see how "baldy" could be harassment in that context. But my case isn't really about the words mate, pal or Sir themselves.

The real issue is that, after I politely and repeatedly asked managers not to use informal nicknames with me, they did so anyway - almost as if to prove they don't have to respect my wishes. That isn't friendship or casual banter; it's a deliberate choice to ignore my personal boundary and undermine my sense of dignity at work.

Why it means: when someone in a position of power keeps calling you mate against your will, it isn't harmless slang - it's an abuse of authority and a form of psychological pressure. I'm not arguing that mate can never be used; I'm saying it should only be used when both people agree, not as a way to show who's in charge.

These informal nicknames only began after I filed grievances about health and safety and potential discrimination. For many years before that, no manager ever addressed me this way - except one who persistently used them - making it clear this was forced, inauthentic friendliness rather than genuine collegiality.

I hope that makes clear why this became a conflict for me - not because I dislike informal words, but because they were being weaponised against me.

[Pezza54]

Please read the article "Are "love" and "mate" appropriate in the workplace?" at www.hrzone.com
Calling a male employee "mate" does not have the same context as calling a female employee "sweet" or "love"
However, in your case, as you have formally requested not to be addressed as "mate", "pal" and "sir", and managers are continuing to address you by these names, it does sound derogatory
The article does advise "if there's a risk of someone being offended, it's best not to use them"
You have let your managers know you are offended when you are addressed this way

Also have a read of "Handling bullying and discrimination - Approaching a complaint" at www.acas.org.uk
The guidance covers how your employer should have dealt with your complaint. You considered the managers were being disrespectful when they continued and increased addressing you by names you had formally asked them not to
You could contact the acas helpline for advice

[Eager99]

Please read the article "Are "love" and "mate" appropriate in the workplace?" at www.hrzone.com
Calling a male employee "mate" does not have the same context as calling a female employee "sweet" or "love"
However, in your case, as you have formally requested not to be addressed as "mate", "pal" and "sir", and managers are continuing to address you by these names, it does sound derogatory
The article does advise "if there's a risk of someone being offended, it's best not to use them"
You have let your managers know you are offended when you are addressed this way

I apreshate your understanding, and my all actions where to resove it respectfully, not make it a big deal, but unfortunatly the fact they trying to make it a source of conflict just sharpens the prestory where they been hostile to me all the time. They refuce to come to respecfull comunication as it will disarm all they posibilities to act wrongfully, which they where continue to do for a long time ingluding double standars, vague and uncleare explanations, unreasonable requests, missleading rules, gaslighting, avoidance to give any writing clarifications insisting its unreasonable and not practical.....

[Pezza54]

I have edited post 10 by adding another paragraph

Are you feeling okay?

[Eager99]

I have edited post 10 by adding another paragraph

Are you feeling okay?

I was signed off work with stress after some incidents at the company, and my employer sent me to Occupational Health. OH pointed out that being called by nicknames instead of my real name was causing me distress, and they suggested a stress questionnaire to get to the heart of the problem - yet the company simply ignored that recommendation.

A few senior managers later acknowledged that I have every right to be addressed by my name, but warned me that informal nicknames might still slip through and I’d have to keep asking them to stop. Then a top manager overturned that view, deciding it was “reasonable and practicable” for managers to continue using nicknames instead of my name.

This decision directly contradicts the company’s ethics statement about treating everyone fairly, honestly and respectfully. My personal boundaries and dignity have been completely disregarded - I’m now told I no longer even have the right to be called by my own name, and must accept whatever informal term managment chooses.

One senior manager did support my appeal, agreed it was wrong to use a nickname in a formal meeting and apologised. I thought we could move forward with mutual respect, but the top manager dismissed that resolution entirely. The very next day, ACAS got in touch with an offer of an exit package worth one and a half months’ salary, which feels like it was orchestrated to get me out quietly. I’m left feeling disappointed and worried that this situation will only deteriorate further.