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Hi
I got a phone call on Friday 2nd Feb 2024 to say there had been a referral to social services. The social worker basically demanded to meet me and then a pre birth assessment would be arranged. I thought the referral came from my midwife and was very confused. I took the phone call in the middle of a class I was teaching in case it was an emergency. She was aware on the phone that I was a teacher so I am not sure why she decided that was even a good time to call.
I was on the phone to my midwife yesterday and she said the referral didn't come from her which is what I had been concerned about. She said she was happy with me and my partner, that she knows it is a stressful time for any couple and she was glad to see us attending all appointments and scans together. She said if they asked her for any information, that is what she would say.
The referral to social services actually is from 2 months ago!!!
Basically, I had a traumatic miscarriage last year. The baby's due date would have been the 10th Dec 2024. On this day, I had very heavy bleeding. I tried to get in contact with my partner but with no luck so his mum took me to a&e. I cried the whole time I was in there which was over 7 hours. I was in there with no food, migraine, upset and worried about baby due to bleeding and also frustrated because I thought my partner was ignoring me.
Around 8pm I was internally examined by a male doctor for the first time ever and I cried my eyes out. I was very embarrassed. It was done behind a curtain in a very busy area and I could see people walking by the outside. I felt so vulnerable in that moment.
He asked me what was wrong and instead of saying I didn't want the internal exam, I said that I was just upset my partner wasn't with me.
The Dr brought a female in who started to ask questions solely about my partner and I. She asked why didn't he come to the hospital and I said he must not care about me all whilst crying and shaking. She asked does he attend scans and appointments and I said yes but he doesn't like ultrasounds, he still goes but doesn't think they are very good for the baby's health, she sneered and said that this sounded "psychotic". She then asked did he have any drug history and I said he had fibromyalgia and took painkillers, she said does he take recommended dose and I said sometimes I felt he probably took more than that (which he did a few times in the previous year after he had a very bad and traumatic accident which left him with serious facial injuries and concussion but she didn't clarify when I was talking about). I can't remember fully but I actually think I maybe said I felt really fat and he had made a comment about how big I was getting but he literally said it about my bump. I don't know if I said this or not but if I did, I didn't fully explain that. I basically just went on a delirious rant about him without realising the seriousness. I was in a very vulnerable position and I really feel let down.
I didn't realise she was making a referral. I was not in the right frame of mind -pregnant, hungry, hormonal, migraine, exhausted, feeling violated, and blaming my partner for not being there.
Also this was on the day where I was truly mourning the loss of our previous baby.
When I eventually got to my partner, it transpired that he had no service on his phone and there was a problem with it, he actually got a new phone.
He was more than supportive and I felt so silly for being so upset and getting the wrong end of the stick but I never once thought anymore about my conversation with that woman, the whole experience was a blur.
That referral was made from the hospital 56 days ago. When I read information online, it seems this should have all been investigated and completed within 45 days of a referral. It also says they should avoid approaching women in the later stages of pregnancy. It also says that if there is no evidence of significant risk or potential harm to baby then I can refuse but they can take it further by court order.
Do you think I have a good enough case to refuse cooperation due to the circumstances surrounding the conversation with the woman in hospital, the time frames since then and also the fact there was no mentioning of physical abuse, domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse and no previous convictions. Along with the fact, by the time she wants to meet for an initial discussion I will already be 30 weeks pregnant.
I have chatted with him and he says they can't do anything if all they have is a few things I said when I was really upset and tired one night in hospital. He thinks I need to stop worrying and refuse to go meet them and just focus on enjoying the last part of our pregnancy. He was finishing of painting our little girls room last night. I have barely ate since Friday, I have been very tearful, sick with worry, not sleeping. Should I go to my gp about the stress that this is causing?
Is there anything or anyone that could help me close this all down ASAP. As I said before I am a teacher to pupils aged 11-18. I am a qualified and professional individual. We don't go out partying ever, we don't drink, we are vegetarian, we have a polytunnel where we grow all our own vegetables and fruit. We have very well looked after pets, we are from two very well known and respected families in our town. This baby was completely planned for and I have enjoyed most of the pregnancy and I can't believe this has happened towards the end. We have everything in place for baby, all the equipment and clothes etc it could need. We have lived together for nearly 4 years.
The social worker is not even based in local area. By the time she wants to meet me I will be 30/31 weeks and in my opinion, if they had significant reasons to be concerned, this would have been addressed alot sooner than that (and that's not even the pre birth assessment date, that is just for the initial chat).
I would really appreciate any advice on how to get this dropped as soon as possible without any sort of assessments and stress that I don't need at this stage.
Thank you xx
