Good morning all,
my mother in law passed 09.03.2025. She had been ill for a while and was eventually housebound, then bed ridden.
my brother in law was her carer, lived back in the flat due to a relationship breakdown and was in charge of her finances, as in he had her bank card with her knowledge, when she was still cognitive. He said he had a folder with all her paperwork for finances in his room. (This would go missing 4 days after mum died. )We had nothing to do with this at all and knew nothing of mother in law's finances.
Over time she became more and more confused and worried more about what he would say regarding carers coming in to care for her, who he was very abusive to and often asked them to leave the property. He also has a camera faced to mums bed at all times, i said this was not right, due to personal care. Only he and his partner had access to the camera. We only saw the footage due to a meeting with social services and no one was impressed with it. We suspected that mum was being cohersed by him and had reported this to social services. She would look to him if asked a question by caeres or anyone else, she would worry about not eating all the food she was given and say.to hide.the rest or he would shout at her. If anyone came to the house i.e social services and questioned his behaviour, mum would vehemently defend him. He was the baby of the family and had been spoilt.
Before social services were going to act , she passed, so the case was closed down.
On the day she passed, brother in law, said to my husband, he can't deal with funeral arrangements. He then basically handed to us, mum's life insurance policy and £390.00, he had in the flat for her. He also said he would go to the bank the next day and draw her pension. I told him not to as DWP would want it back. He said he didn't care and would take responsibility for it.
When the funeral Director came for mum, he told the funeral directors and my husband he wanted, everything for the funeral in my husbands name. We knew there and then he was trying to leave us with debt.
I registered mum's passing and notified the benefits agency. Brother in law said he would deal with the bank, so we agreed as he had been dealing with her finances.
While we were cleaning we found and old bank statement from may to August 2024 and were shocked to see the amount of withdrawals made from mum's account when she was housebound. We also began to get an idea of money she had coming in. It didn't make sense.
Then came the unpaid bills. Money owed on utility bills and also credit card bills in mum's name.
At the end of March I double checked the bank account had been closed. It had not been and so my husband as next of kin had to do that.
We got mum's final bank statement when we got back from her funeral 11th April 2025, which he did not attend. We found out as we walked into the crem.
He had not only taken out her pension after death, but also her private pension, both of which total just under £700.
Now DWP are writing to me asking for repayment of the money. We have not heard from brother in law since 24th March, when he demanded the funeral crematorium choice mum be near to where he lives now or the funeral would have to be held up. His brother agreed to this due to not wanting any fuss.
What can I do, sorry it is long winded, just wanted to give you background.
my mother in law passed 09.03.2025. She had been ill for a while and was eventually housebound, then bed ridden.
my brother in law was her carer, lived back in the flat due to a relationship breakdown and was in charge of her finances, as in he had her bank card with her knowledge, when she was still cognitive. He said he had a folder with all her paperwork for finances in his room. (This would go missing 4 days after mum died. )We had nothing to do with this at all and knew nothing of mother in law's finances.
Over time she became more and more confused and worried more about what he would say regarding carers coming in to care for her, who he was very abusive to and often asked them to leave the property. He also has a camera faced to mums bed at all times, i said this was not right, due to personal care. Only he and his partner had access to the camera. We only saw the footage due to a meeting with social services and no one was impressed with it. We suspected that mum was being cohersed by him and had reported this to social services. She would look to him if asked a question by caeres or anyone else, she would worry about not eating all the food she was given and say.to hide.the rest or he would shout at her. If anyone came to the house i.e social services and questioned his behaviour, mum would vehemently defend him. He was the baby of the family and had been spoilt.
Before social services were going to act , she passed, so the case was closed down.
On the day she passed, brother in law, said to my husband, he can't deal with funeral arrangements. He then basically handed to us, mum's life insurance policy and £390.00, he had in the flat for her. He also said he would go to the bank the next day and draw her pension. I told him not to as DWP would want it back. He said he didn't care and would take responsibility for it.
When the funeral Director came for mum, he told the funeral directors and my husband he wanted, everything for the funeral in my husbands name. We knew there and then he was trying to leave us with debt.
I registered mum's passing and notified the benefits agency. Brother in law said he would deal with the bank, so we agreed as he had been dealing with her finances.
While we were cleaning we found and old bank statement from may to August 2024 and were shocked to see the amount of withdrawals made from mum's account when she was housebound. We also began to get an idea of money she had coming in. It didn't make sense.
Then came the unpaid bills. Money owed on utility bills and also credit card bills in mum's name.
At the end of March I double checked the bank account had been closed. It had not been and so my husband as next of kin had to do that.
We got mum's final bank statement when we got back from her funeral 11th April 2025, which he did not attend. We found out as we walked into the crem.
He had not only taken out her pension after death, but also her private pension, both of which total just under £700.
Now DWP are writing to me asking for repayment of the money. We have not heard from brother in law since 24th March, when he demanded the funeral crematorium choice mum be near to where he lives now or the funeral would have to be held up. His brother agreed to this due to not wanting any fuss.
What can I do, sorry it is long winded, just wanted to give you background.


Comment