Trying to leave an abusive relationship with a drug dealer

[j.snyder]

Hi all,

This situation isn't about me, but the cousin of my friend from liverpool looking for advice.

The cousin is currently in a relationship with a drug dealer (although she has never participated in any of his illegal activites) and they share one child (and she has one child with a former partner).

Recently he has started living with her (in her own house that she owns) as well as living with his parents as well, and while living in her house he has brought drugs in to weigh and bag ready to distribute (around the children). He has hit her in the past, and is constantly being mentally abusive, telling her she's fat and ugly etc. and has also threatened her with a knife before, and she is not allowed to go out without him allowing her, he threatens to leave her, and then will tell her he loves her, to get back in her head, so she feels conflicted about leaving him.

She wants to leave him, but is scared of him hurting either her or her children, and she is scared of getting the police involved incase she is also held responsible for her boyfriend storing and selling drugs on her property and ends up having her children taken away from her. She is refusing to leave him until she knows both her and her children will be ok and they won't be taken off of her, she is a really good mum to them and is just scared of her situation. And as well she wants to get a restraining order if possible and make sure he doesnt have any custody of the children.

Any help would be much appreciated, a meeting with a solicitor is going to be arranged, but we want as much info / research as possible to put her mind at rest over her worries so she feels like she can move forward without being scared. Any questions I will be happy to answer

Thanks in advance

[redstar]

So sorry your question is not a legality no law can reassure her but for the sake of her kids and her she has to take legal steps retraining order etc if threatened It is not normal for a mother to not protect her children and she may be under duress or abused hence not.If as you project neither or safe please show her true media stories mum murdered kids murdered because that is what it is boiled down to.If they are under threat from ex and she refuses or cannotact responsabily sorry get social services involved we do not need another example of child abuse or family killed under afraid to leave or wanted father figure in life call 101 social service make it clear unsafe if she will not listen lord knows but there is no law as such you feel bad partner .Crazy I wonder as a daughter of similar if these woman have form of Stockholmes and do not think or badly is it all about their relationship.She needs to stop if she stays danger if she leaves chance kids first no excuses

[j.snyder]

We understand that, so far he has only been physically abusive when she has tried to leave him, the rest of the time he is mentally abusive to her, so physically her and the children should be safe for now. She fully intends on leaving him but she's terrified of losing her children if she gets the police involved and it turns out she can be held responsible for any of his crimes, that's more what I'm trying to find out here. She has not participated in anything illegal, but he uses her house to sort out his drugs, so she doesn't want to be held responsible for that if the police do get involved

[Celestine]

As well as speaking with a solicitor, she should also speak to a domestic violence advice line in confidence.
Here is a provider local to her. https://liverpooldomesticabuseservice.org.uk/
She needs to potentially go in to a shelter and obtain a non-molestation order with powers of arrest attached.
She could choose not to disclose any of the drug information, everything else is more than sufficient to get protection but there is no doubt the police and courts will do more to protect her seriously if they believe she is at risk of dealer related reprisals; which are a genuine concern here.
She would be at more risk or losing her children by staying in the relationship than leaving it, the authorities will not condemn her for leaving this dangerous environment.

[j.snyder]

Thanks for such a helpful reply, just a few more questions if you don't mind, she currently owns the house she is living in, so would you still recommend going into a shelter (or would living with non local family members be good enough?). Would you mind explaining a little more about what a non molestation order with powers of arrest is please?

Thanks

[Celestine]

HI - A domestic violence charity could help her apply for a non-molestation order, although ordinarily these follow an incident of domestic violence in which the police are involved. I think given the circumstances, she should talk with a charity about the risk presented by his activities, I can't see a way round that one to get the protective help she needs. A non molestation order is similar to a restraining order where the abuser is banned from certain addresses and places. Asking for powers of arrest allows the police to do just that if he breaches the order.
Owning the house is fine, she still may need to temporarily be elsewhere for safety reasons. Only his behaviour after they separate will decide when it is safe for her to return to the house.