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Thread: Grandchildren

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    0 Post(s)

    Default Grandchildren

    Hi, I'm new to this site but I've read some of the postings and found them very helpful. My daughter is in a volatile relationship with her husband and the family have more or less had to put up with his abusive behaviour - they have two small children 3 & 2 and one due next month. Our family have helped financially and practically because we love my daughter and the babies - things came to a head in November last year when they had an argument and he left her at the coast with the babies, dog no money, petrol or phone - my husband and I got money to her and she came home - at that point we told her that if she wanted to still be with him that was fine but we were no longer prepared to have him in our company - the relationship is making me ill with worry. With that my daughter took off with him and they've moved 20 miles away but she's stopped us all from seeing the babies - she won't speak with me as I called social services to check on the babies - she can't understand it was out of concern! It's been 4 months since we've seen the babies and they'll be missing us as much as we're missing them as they've seen us every day of their short lives. I'm sure if we'd accept him abusing her then we'd be welcome back into their lives but we can't stand him verbally and physically abusing her any longer. We've tried mediation but she wouldn't attend and now we're at court on Friday to apply for leave to see the children (she has tried to postpone this using being pregnant as an excuse but the court wouldn't allow her to adjourn). All we want is our family to be the same as it was before all this but sadly even if the court grant us rights to see the children, I feel she will not adhere! Has anyone else had this sad situation resolved? HeartbrokenNanny

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    121 Post(s)

    Default Re: Grandchildren

    I'll ask @Peridot and @leclerc for their thoughts.
    Well, she's walking through the clouds, with a circus mind that's running wild
    butterflies and zebras, and moonbeams and fairy tales
    that's all she ever thinks about
    riding with the wind.

    When I'm sad, she comes to me, with a thousand smiles she gives to me free
    it's alright, she says it's alright, take anything you want from me

    Fly on little wing.

    Jimi Hendrix

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2010
    50 Post(s)

    Default Re: Grandchildren

    It's a difficult situation especially when you don't approve for clear reasons of her choice of partner. I can't comment on you calling social services because you're here for help.

    The best I can do is to link to a page about grandparents rights:

    Over to @Peridot
    "Family means that no one gets forgotten or left behind"
    (quote from David Ogden Stiers)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    0 Post(s)

    Default Re: Grandchildren

    Thank you so much for your guidance. I will report on here the outcome of the leave on Friday as it might help someone else on this site - regards,

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2016
    53 Post(s)

    Default Re: Grandchildren

    Hi HeartbrokenNanny,

    A really difficult situation for all of you. It is so hard when we don't approve of the partners of our children and even more so where grandchildren are concerned.

    The hearing on Friday is this in response to an application that you made to see the children? Or is this due to the Social Services (SS) contact that you made? Is it a directions hearing or to hear an application from you do you know?

    It may make a difference but at the end of the day, if the children are safe the Court are unlikely to intervene unless SS have concerns. You may be awarded some contact if this is your application, however whether this will improve relations with your daughter is a mute point.

    Controlling abusive partners are such a difficult issue. Ultimately, unless there are safety issues for the children then it is up to your daughter, who you obviously love and care for, to make the right decision but if she can not see the wood for the trees with regard to the relationship it is unlikely to change and definitely not until she sees what is going on.

    The children's welfare is obviously paramount, but many relationships function and the children are safe, in what many of us would deem unacceptable circumstances. Maybe your taking a stand will open her eyes to the situation and in time she will see what she needs to do. It must be so difficult for her with two small children and one on the way.

    Unfortunately, you can't force her to do what you believe is the right thing. Being there and being supportive may be your only option at the moment.
    Would she go for counselling herself, that may help her see what is going on? You mentioned mediation, have you thought of seeking some counselling for yourself to help you get through this?

    If the Court's were to order contact and you still didn't get to see the grandchildren as per the order, then your daughter would be in breach of the order and there would be repercussions if you applied to the Court for non compliance. How this would help relations between you would need to be a serious consideration.

    I'm sorry I can't give you more pointers at this stage. Maybe once I understand what the hearing is on Friday I can elaborate or at least explain what to expect.

    A horrible situation for all concerned but we're here to listen if you need us and give some pointers if it is helpful.
    I am a fully qualified solicitor employed by the LegalBeagles forum to assist you with a wide range of legal questions. I would be happy to try and assist informally where needed. Any posts I make on LegalBeagles are for information and discussion purposes only and shouldn't be seen as legal advice. Any advice I provide is without liability. I do not represent clients off forum. If in doubt seek professional face to face legal advice.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    0 Post(s)

    Default Re: Grandchildren

    I will keep you updated as I would like to help other grandparents in the same situation - thank you so much for your help - I understand the law in many ways but it just doesn't sit right with me when I have helped,supported and paid for the babiesfor sooooo many years - I'll update you - but THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORTXXX

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