Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

[poppytog]

Hi There,

Could someone help me please? I am in a relationship with a man who has joint custody of his daughter (Sun-Weds) each week.

Both he and his daughter often stay at my house, her mother has asked him for my address and he is reluctant. He feels that she will use the information to invade our privacy, based on past experience. He has also said that his ex partner was in a relationship herself, lasting 6 months, where he did not know his address.

Whilst I recognise there are clearly emotional factors between them involved in this situation, and as a female, I do completely understand her standing from a moral viewpoint. I would really appreciate knowing where my legal stance is in it all before I proceed.

1. Does his ex partner have a legal right to know my address?
2. What would the legal stand point be of his daughter staying at my house in terms of legal care (eg, if she was with me in my home whilst he popped to the shops?)
3. Should I give my address and find that there is an invasion on my privacy, what would be my legal rights/course of action?

Thank you.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

Hi There,

Could someone help me please? I am in a relationship with a man who has joint custody of his daughter (Sun-Weds) each week.

Both he and his daughter often stay at my house, her mother has asked him for my address and he is reluctant. He feels that she will use the information to invade our privacy, based on past experience. He has also said that his ex partner was in a relationship herself, lasting 6 months, where he did not know his address.

Whilst I recognise there are clearly emotional factors between them involved in this situation, and as a female, I do completely understand her standing from a moral viewpoint. I would really appreciate knowing where my legal stance is in it all before I proceed.

1. Does his ex partner have a legal right to know my address?
2. What would the legal stand point be of his daughter staying at my house in terms of legal care (eg, if she was with me in my home whilst he popped to the shops?)
3. Should I give my address and find that there is an invasion on my privacy, what would be my legal rights/course of action?

Thank you.

Update: 3 years living with children may provide a right to contact with children: section 10 (5 (b), Children Act 1989.

He has joint custody based on law. What joint custody means is that your partner and his ex share legal responsibility for the welfare of the children, ie their 'best interests.' What are the terms of contact and any particular home addresses based on the divorce. You not have parental or guardianship type rights but if you're in a relationship with him and have his permission, there is no problem taking the daughter to the store and stuff. You do not need the ex's permission for this. Ref: daughter staying over at your house. Will the joint custody parent/ your partner be staying with you at the time the daughter is? As he has legal responsibility for his daughter he has certain discretions and benefits to his 'legal' relationship and responsibilities to the children. You say he has custody Wednesday to Sunday, but my question where does this contact take place? Is there a specific place for the contact on Wed-Sunday? Whilst there should be no reason to give your home address to his ex, as whilst the children are in his care he has legal responsibility, there could be some sort of emergency where your partner has been injured etc and then in his absence the legal responsibility as per the joint custody will mean that the responsibility shifts back to the mother. Your rights to privacy is one thing but were an emergency to arise that's a different matter. If there were problems with the ex threatening you etc, you could get a protection type order or call the police. What is the mother saying about the contact address?

[Dennyboy]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

[QUOTE=poppytog;630868]Hi There,

Could someone help me please? I am in a relationship with a man who has joint custody of his daughter (Sun-Weds) each week.

Both he and his daughter often stay at my house, her mother has asked him for my address and he is reluctant. He feels that she will use the information to invade our privacy, based on past experience. He has also said that his ex partner was in a relationship herself, lasting 6 months, where he did not know his address.

Whilst I recognise there are clearly emotional factors between them involved in this situation, and as a female, I do completely understand her standing from a moral viewpoint. I would really appreciate knowing where my legal stance is in it all before I proceed.

1. Does his ex partner have a legal right to know my address?
2. What would the legal stand point be of his daughter staying at my house in terms of legal care (eg, if she was with me in my home whilst he popped to the shops?)
3. Should I give my address and find that there is an invasion on my privacy, what would be my legal rights/course of action?

Thank you.[/QUOTE
i can't claim to be an expert, but hope this helps.
firstly its your address therefore you decide who you think should have it. That saying, if joint custody was granted through the courts, then there would be the expectation that the mother would know where the child is staying as she is also the responsible parent.
2. As the father has joint custody, he is within his right, like every other parent to decide how his child is cared for and whom he can trust to babysit, he can make the decision over that. It would become a problem if it was felt you were doing more of the caring than the father.
I can't answer 3, sorry.

[poppytog]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

Ref: daughter staying over at your house. Will the joint custody parent/ your partner be staying with you at the time the daughter is? Yes, my partner has his own flat, but he spends most of his time at my house - his daughter only stays when he does. I have made my spare bedroom into a safe suitable space for her. (I often look after my nieces of the same age so I'm used to children in my house in terms of safety etc) As he has legal responsibility for his daughter he has certain discretions and benefits to his 'legal' relationship and responsibilities to the children. You say he has custody Wednesday to Sunday, but my question where does this contact take place? He is his daughter's legal guardian during his time with her, so prior to our relationship they'd go to his place or see family etc, and his ex knew the address (which led to a situation I don't fully understand where she questioned the safety and suitability of the property which didn't go anywhere in court. I am told that during this time he asked a friend who was a social worker to support him in countering his ex's actions, and this person's life was made very difficult both personally and at work by his ex partner)

Whilst there should be no reason to give your home address to his ex, as whilst the children are in his care he has legal responsibility, there could be some sort of emergency where your partner has been injured etc and then in his absence the legal responsibility as per the joint custody will mean that the responsibility shifts back to the mother. Your rights to privacy is one thing but were an emergency to arise that's a different matter.
Yes, this is where I feel very confused and pressured about that to do for the best..

If there were problems with the ex threatening you etc, you could get a protection type order or call the police. What is the mother saying about the contact address?
She asked for my mobile number, which I was happy for him to provide. I didn't receive any form of communication. However, for the last two weeks his ex has repeatedly text my partner where she's asking for him for my address. The texts are written very formally, and use what I would consider to be emotive language. There has never been any reference to handling an emergency situation. Things such as, "refusing to give me the address is very worrying to me and making me feel you have something to hide" and "Tell me where my baby sleeps at night" his ex has also made reference to the worry affecting her personal well being. My partner still refuses and is clearly stressed at how these messages would be interpreted at court. I also feel very stressed, this is very new to me and it is not in my nature to think along 'court lines' all the time.

Yesterday I suggested that he remind his ex that she had my contact details, and I would be happy to meet with her and discuss any concerns she is feeling with regard to the well being of her daughter. She did contact me and said "he won't give me your address which I find very strange. I just want to know where my baby sleeps at night" I responded to say that whilst I understood her viewpoint completely, I hope she could understand that it is my home - and that when my partner had advised me she had requested my address. I had said that would be something I'd only consider disclosing once we had met one another in person. And with that we set a day and time to meet.

I later saw that during the time she was texting me, she was still texting my partner saying his refusal to tell her was both unreasonable and worrying.

Sorry for the long winded nature of this response. It's not in my nature to think badly of people and I would like to handle this as best as possible within my means of capability!

[Kati]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

I'll tag [MENTION=8640]leclerc[/MENTION] (who might be able to offer advice too ) xx

[poppytog]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

Having read this back I also feel it is important that I state clearly that I have not experienced any form of threatening or harassing behaviour from my partners ex. It is important I stick to the facts, and those currently are that

a) I am meeting with my partners ex soon, and need to feel prepared on what I should do when/if she asks for my address
b) My partner is very against disclosing my address, he is concerned of the consequences of disclosing my information.
c) I am empathetic to the mother's concern, nor do I have anything to hide. I am concerned not disclosing the info will cause further court action and stress. I don't have issue with her having the address in principle, but I'm also trusting of my partners concern and therefore feel very pressured by his ex partner and worried about the potential consequences of her knowing my personal information.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

Ref: daughter staying over at your house. Will the joint custody parent/ your partner be staying with you at the time the daughter is? Yes, my partner has his own flat, but he spends most of his time at my house - his daughter only stays when he does. I have made my spare bedroom into a safe suitable space for her. (I often look after my nieces of the same age so I'm used to children in my house in terms of safety etc) As he has legal responsibility for his daughter he has certain discretions and benefits to his 'legal' relationship and responsibilities to the children. You say he has custody Wednesday to Sunday, but my question where does this contact take place? He is his daughter's legal guardian during his time with her, so prior to our relationship they'd go to his place or see family etc, and his ex knew the address (which led to a situation I don't fully understand where she questioned the safety and suitability of the property which didn't go anywhere in court. I am told that during this time he asked a friend who was a social worker to support him in countering his ex's actions, and this person's life was made very difficult both personally and at work by his ex partner)

She may want your address so can say that your property is not suitable too, ie just being very awkward.

Whilst there should be no reason to give your home address to his ex, as whilst the children are in his care he has legal responsibility, there could be some sort of emergency where your partner has been injured etc and then in his absence the legal responsibility as per the joint custody will mean that the responsibility shifts back to the mother. Your rights to privacy is one thing but were an emergency to arise that's a different matter.
Yes, this is where I feel very confused and pressured about that to do for the best..

You may have good grounds to deny access to your personal property as it's not relevant if the child stays over infrequently, given that your partner has his own property to carry out the contact terms of the custody.

If there were problems with the ex threatening you etc, you could get a protection type order or call the police. What is the mother saying about the contact address?
She asked for my mobile number, which I was happy for him to provide. I didn't receive any form of communication. However, for the last two weeks his ex has repeatedly text my partner where she's asking for him for my address. The texts are written very formally, and use what I would consider to be emotive language. There has never been any reference to handling an emergency situation. Things such as, "refusing to give me the address is very worrying to me and making me feel you have something to hide" and "Tell me where my baby sleeps at night" his ex has also made reference to the worry affecting her personal well being. My partner still refuses and is clearly stressed at how these messages would be interpreted at court. I also feel very stressed, this is very new to me and it is not in my nature to think along 'court lines' all the time.

She has the right to enquire the safety aspects of her daughter, but the she, being the ex, cannot act unreasonable or harass.

Yesterday I suggested that he remind his ex that she had my contact details, and I would be happy to meet with her and discuss any concerns she is feeling with regard to the well being of her daughter. She did contact me and said "he won't give me your address which I find very strange. I just want to know where my baby sleeps at night" I responded to say that whilst I understood her viewpoint completely, I hope she could understand that it is my home - and that when my partner had advised me she had requested my address. I had said that would be something I'd only consider disclosing once we had met one another in person. And with that we set a day and time to meet.

I later saw that during the time she was texting me, she was still texting my partner saying his refusal to tell her was both unreasonable and worrying.

Sorry for the long winded nature of this response. It's not in my nature to think badly of people and I would like to handle this as best as possible within my means of capability!

Just play it by ear, if you think she is going to harass you consider not giving her the details. However she may then try to be awkward by taking it back to court to say she is not happy about her daughter staying with a strange woman whom she does not yet know, therefore posing a health and safety risk.

[leclerc]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

Strangely enough, why does she not have her ex's mobile phone number in case of emergency. If there are any child welfare concerns during contact then surely it is for the police to ask for those details and be provided with them. I don't think that the ex has to have the details of the address unless there is a specific family emergency.

[poppytog]

Re: Contact Rights and Advice - Partner with child

Thanks leclerc, and everyone - you have all been so helpful I appreciate it.

With your help I can now see that my partners ex has all the relevant information she needs to ensure the safety of her daughter. It goes without saying that I also have his daughters best interests at heart, I am fortunate in that we have an excellent relationship. I feel I have done everything that I am prepared to do to ensure her mother feels assured and content.

Thank you very much!