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Friday smile

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  • Re: Friday smile

    Family Law Judge to Mother: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?
    Mother: I do.
    Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?
    Mother: Sure. I get everything I want.

    Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
    Professional courtesy.

    Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
    They don't become so attached to the lawyers.


    What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?
    Your Honour.
    crazy council ( as in local council,NELC ) as a member of the public, i don't get mad, i get even

    Comment


    • Re: Friday smile

      Originally posted by Crazy council View Post
      What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?
      Your Honour.
      Reminds me of the old one, what's black and brown and looks good on an traffic warden's arm?

      A rottwieller
      PLEASE NOTE: I work irregular hours including nights and sleep in shifts. If I have not responded in 48 hours, please ask an admin to Messenger me!

      "If you ever feel alone, remember, I am just the other side of the rainbow, or just south of the North Star. Whichever is closer." - A.J Murphy. 17/3/1974 - 16/03/1997 (RIP babe <3)

      Comment


      • Re: Friday smile

        What's ET short for?

        Cos he only got little legs!
        PLEASE NOTE: I work irregular hours including nights and sleep in shifts. If I have not responded in 48 hours, please ask an admin to Messenger me!

        "If you ever feel alone, remember, I am just the other side of the rainbow, or just south of the North Star. Whichever is closer." - A.J Murphy. 17/3/1974 - 16/03/1997 (RIP babe <3)

        Comment


        • Re: Friday smile

          A scruffy tramp was sitting against the wall of the Vatican.

          The Pope leaned out of the window and spoke quietly to him. The tramp soon wandered away.

          A rich American tourist who wanted an audience with the Pope had failed in his efforts. He had seen the Pope chatting with the tramp so gave the tramp a thousand Euros to swap clothes with him.

          He then went and sat in the very same place and waited patiently.

          After a few minutes, the window opened and out leaned the Pope again. He leaned over and whispered in the guy's ear:

          "Didn't I just tell you to f*ck off?"

          Comment


          • Re: Friday smile

            Originally posted by slainte caragh View Post
            Stolen from my brother

            Bloke goes to a restaurant and is told to pick his own fish, he chooses a lil green squid with a furry lip.

            The waiter catches it then takes it to the commis chef.

            Commis chef says "no no I cant kill the little green squid with the furry lip!"

            Sous chef says "no no I cant kill the little green squid with the furry lip"



            Chef Hans says oh ffs lemme do it. Takes one look and goes "no no I cant kill the lil green squid with the furry lip"


            a voice from the dining room echoes round the kitchen


            "Now Hans has become soft and gentle, with mild green furry lip squid!"

            I am actually terrified by how long it took me to get this!

            An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
            ~ Anonymous

            Comment


            • Re: Friday smile

              Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the lawn to spell out "Trump is a knob."
              Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.
              "The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President."
              Trump put his head in his hands “ How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this?"

              "The handwriting's Melania’s."

              An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
              ~ Anonymous

              Comment


              • Re: Friday smile

                Why does president trump have small hands?
                So he can reach inside the bull to get the maximum amount of BSG. Ta da.

                Comment


                • Re: Friday smile

                  I laughed far too hard at this!

                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZt6eU5REN8

                  PLEASE NOTE: I work irregular hours including nights and sleep in shifts. If I have not responded in 48 hours, please ask an admin to Messenger me!

                  "If you ever feel alone, remember, I am just the other side of the rainbow, or just south of the North Star. Whichever is closer." - A.J Murphy. 17/3/1974 - 16/03/1997 (RIP babe <3)

                  Comment


                  • Re: Friday smile

                    - - - Updated - - -

                    Originally posted by seduraed View Post
                    Why does president trump have small hands?
                    So he can reach inside the bull to get the maximum amount of BSG. Ta da.
                    Sorry, I just don't get it. Can you please explain!

                    Comment


                    • Re: Friday smile

                      same here [MENTION=107791]thedirtyhound[/MENTION] whats BSG [MENTION=9906]seduraed[/MENTION]

                      What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?


                      Snowballs.
                      crazy council ( as in local council,NELC ) as a member of the public, i don't get mad, i get even

                      Comment


                      • Re: Friday smile

                        Click image for larger version

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                        An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
                        ~ Anonymous

                        Comment


                        • Re: Friday smile

                          Rrrrr im raging! I have had enough! I'll never help anyone again. EVER!! Either I'm too kindhearted, too stupid, or too gullible!! Out of the kindness of me heart and because it was so cold outside yesterday, I took a man into me home. Felt so sorry for him. Poor thing was frozen stiff, I had to carry him in. This morning he just vanished. Not a word, not even "goodbye" or "thank you" for sheltering him!! The last straw? I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!
                          Like SERIOUSLY ������ That's the "thank you" i get for being good to people?

                          Now I'm going to warn me friends/family to watch out for him! He is heavy set, and he's wearing nothing but a scarf. He has a nose that looks like a carrot, 2 black eyes and his arms are so skinny they look like sticks!! Don't bring him into your house! What a huge mess he made on our floor but he did leave me his scarf! He goes by the name of Frosty.
                          PLEASE NOTE: I work irregular hours including nights and sleep in shifts. If I have not responded in 48 hours, please ask an admin to Messenger me!

                          "If you ever feel alone, remember, I am just the other side of the rainbow, or just south of the North Star. Whichever is closer." - A.J Murphy. 17/3/1974 - 16/03/1997 (RIP babe <3)

                          Comment


                          • Re: Friday smile

                            Originally posted by slainte caragh View Post
                            Rrrrr im raging! I have had enough! I'll never help anyone again. EVER!! Either I'm too kindhearted, too stupid, or too gullible!! Out of the kindness of me heart and because it was so cold outside yesterday, I took a man into me home. Felt so sorry for him. Poor thing was frozen stiff, I had to carry him in. This morning he just vanished. Not a word, not even "goodbye" or "thank you" for sheltering him!! The last straw? I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!
                            Like SERIOUSLY ������ That's the "thank you" i get for being good to people?

                            Now I'm going to warn me friends/family to watch out for him! He is heavy set, and he's wearing nothing but a scarf. He has a nose that looks like a carrot, 2 black eyes and his arms are so skinny they look like sticks!! Don't bring him into your house! What a huge mess he made on our floor but he did leave me his scarf! He goes by the name of Frosty.
                            Surely not....

                            CAVEAT LECTOR

                            This is only my opinion - "Opinions are made to be changed --or how is truth to be got at?" (Byron)

                            You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
                            Cohen, Herb


                            There is danger when a man throws his tongue into high gear before he
                            gets his brain a-going.
                            Phelps, C. C.


                            "They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!"
                            The last words of John Sedgwick

                            Comment


                            • Re: Friday smile

                              Attached Files
                              Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.

                              It doesn't matter where your journey begins, so long as you begin it...

                              recte agens confido

                              ~~~~~

                              Any advice I provide is given without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

                              I can be emailed if you need my help loading pictures/documents to your thread. My email address is Kati@legalbeagles.info
                              But please include a link to your thread so I know who you are.

                              Specialist advice can be sought via our sister site JustBeagle

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                              • Re: Friday smile

                                Grizzly bear goes in to a bar and says "Can I please have a double............ Scotch on the rocks!"
                                Barman nods and says "Why the big pause?"
                                Bear says "I was born with em!!"
                                PLEASE NOTE: I work irregular hours including nights and sleep in shifts. If I have not responded in 48 hours, please ask an admin to Messenger me!

                                "If you ever feel alone, remember, I am just the other side of the rainbow, or just south of the North Star. Whichever is closer." - A.J Murphy. 17/3/1974 - 16/03/1997 (RIP babe <3)

                                Comment

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