Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

[akania]

Morning everyone

I have a friend whos got himself in a bit of a state regarding his ex wife, divorce, kids and the house. I want to help him because hes absolutely useless at sorting things out and it seems that every decison he makes is detremental to him, basically hes a big softy

If i could just give you a brief outline of the circumstances. My friend was married for 12 years. They have 2 children . The wife then became hooked on drugs. morphine for the pain which was actually withdrawal. My friend put her in rehab and everything seemed to be ok. She has had a number of affairs while they were together and then towards the end started to make false accusations of domestic abuse which he was arrested for. All charges were dropped by the police and that was pretty much the end of the marriage.

He started divorce proceedings at the beginning of this year citing adultry and she was re housed by the council. He is still in the marital home with the children but is scared at any point she can come and take the children. He thinks he has to sell the house give her half of the profit and go and rent with the kids.

Presently she has them 2 to 3 times a month as thats all she wants.

From what he is describing his solicitor is telling him she can come and take the kids anytime she wants and that he has to sell the house and give her half of any profit. This all seems a little unfair especially as he has the children.

Ive never been in a situation like this so i dont know how it works and just wondered if someone could give me some adivce on what he can do so he doesnt feel so vunerable all the time.

He mentioned that he applied for a residency order? but she didnt answer to it and because of that he still hasnt got full custody ?

Thanks very much and sorry that my threads so long and garbled, i hope it got the gist of it across.

Akania

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

I forgot to mention that she constantly sends him vile abusive texts , threats etc which he sends on to the police.

[PlanB]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Have a read of this thread started by Celestine about the Families Need Fathers organization. Their website has a very good forum which your friend can join and have a natter with other fathers who are in a similar situation. They also provide lots of information and legal stuff for men in his position

http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/...470#post349470

[ostell]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

As the kids are with him, and they seem to prefer it that way, and she is not concerned about having them then he has to ask for custody. If it can be shown that she is into drugs etc then her having custody leaves them exposed. Stop being Mr Nice Guy, let the truth be known. It is supposed to be equality but unfortunately women seem more equal than men so it needs a lot of work.

If the kids stay in the marital home with him then normally he would not be forced to sell immediately, possibly when the kids leave home. I presume the kids are old enough to give an opinion about who they want to stay with and if it is him then social services should take this into account, though social services can be perverse.

I would find another solicitor if that is the sort of comments being made.

As with everything else that goes to court events can take unexpected turns.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Thanks everyone. Custody is the most important thing. The social services have already interviewed one if the kids after the allegations of domestic violence which were unfounded which is why the kids are with him now. Not sure if she's still on drugs to be honest. Is the mentioned forum the best place to go regarding how to get legal custody of the children ?

[enquirer]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

From what he is describing his solicitor is telling him she can come and take the kids anytime she wants and that he has to sell the house and give her half of any profit.

He needs to get another solicitor and make sure that they are aggressive. This is not the time to pussyfoot around. If he doesn't start playing hardball, he will lose everything.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Ok thanks I think that I might go with him. Are there ever any good legal aid solicitors or are the aggressive ones the ones you pay for ?

[Sapphire]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

He needs to get another solicitor and make sure that they are aggressive. This is not the time to pussyfoot around. If he doesn't start playing hardball, he will lose everything.

Absolutely true.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Ok so the solicitor that he has is part time. He filed for divorce in feb on the grounds of adultery which she isn't contesting however Nothing is really happening. His solicitor is legal aid so I wondered how long these things normally take? I told him he might have to change solicitors and get someone more aggressive which he is happy to do. I've also told him to go and see her and ask her what is exactly happening.

[ostell]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

I helped someone with a divorce some 3 years ago and it does seem to take longer than you would expect but what does he mean by "filed for divorce"? Has the petition been presented to the court? Has a financial settlement been agreed? Has the matter of the children been agreed? Without the latter 2 then divorce will not proceed. Even if the solicitor is part time I would have expected a bit more.

I thought that legal aid for divorce has been removed. My friend just managed to squeeze in.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

I'm going to see him this weekend and I will show his these threads and get some more information. I really appreciate all your help on this

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Hi there. I spent the weekend with him trying to sort stuff and this is where im at. Ive looked into the house situation and there is zero equity so im not sure if thats still a factor? The thing he is worried about the most is the children and making sure that she cannot just come and take them. Can I ask does he carry on with the divorce proceedings and then go for custody or can he go for custody at the same time? Are they two seperate issues? Can he get a temporary custody order to stop her taking the children till he gets the offical one at the court? Sorry for all of the questions but i dont know alot about this. And the advice on the solicitor has been taken and we are looking for a more aggressive ballsy one.

Thanks

[ostell]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Carry on with the divorce proceedings, custody will be part of that. In the meantime get social services involved and get their opinion (much as I hate social services!!!) so that they will support the children staying with him. Hopefully the kids will say they want to stay with him. And don't pull any punches about the previous behaviour of the wife. It can all get very nasty, especially if she realises that with the kids she can have maintenance and apply for the marital home to look after them. You could have maintenance if you keep the kids now that equality is here :tinysmile_grin_t: (looking for the sarcasm icon).

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Thanks Ostell. His solicitor has drawn up new papaers including the custody in with the divorce. Shes been writing all over facebook (god i hate facebook) that the kids will be with her soon so i dont know what her game is as she only wants to have them every other sunday from 10-4pm then texts him to say that they are doing her head in and she wants them picked up. Obviously she wants money to look after them on these vists as well. He has today applied for CSA. The social services are involved due to the domestic violence allegations so unfortuantley they are all over him like a rash anyway however his eldest (10) has said she wants to stay with him and so has the 7 year old. Hes been adivsed by his solicitor to keep all the abusive/nasty text messages that she sends him for evidence if need be.

[Galahad]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

[nia;365774]Thanks Ostell. His solicitor has drawn up new papaers including the custody ioutcome the divorce. Shes been writing all over facebook (god i hate facebook) that the kids will be with her soon so i dont know what her game is as she only wants to have them every other sunday from 10-4pm then texts him to say that they are doing her head in and she wants them picked up. Obviously she wants money to look after them on these vists as well. He has today applied for CSA. The social services are involved due to the domestic violence allegations so unfortuantley they are all over him like a rash anyway however his eldest (10) has said she wants to stay with him and so has the 7 year old. Hes been adivsed by his solicitor to keep all the abusive/nasty text messages that she sends him for evidence if need be.[/QUOTE]

He needs to do more than that, he needs to print off onto hardcopy (paper) everything online she is saying.

Also, get all your text messages copied from the phone to the computer (if its android use veryandroid SMS backup), and then get an itemised bill from your phone company, which will corroborate the time and date of the messages you have.

Basically you need to assume the domestic abuse charge hasn't gone away, think like social services would, get so much documentation and proof that they have option but to talk you seriously.

I sounds like your soon to be ex is assuming that her genetalia alone will determine the outcome, I doubt she will have prepared any kind of documentation or real case, use that to your advantage, go beyond what you need to prove your case.