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Domestic Violence: new court case confrims that abuse need not be physzical

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  • Domestic Violence: new court case confrims that abuse need not be physzical

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19783496
    Tags: None

  • #2
    Re: Domestic Violence: new court case confrims that abuse need not be physzical

    Having been a victim myself I can confirm that domestic violence comes both ways, sometimes its the fear rather than the actual deed that gets to you, in my time the police didn't do much, so it was down to me to pluck up the courage to escape.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi, I am separated from my ex about six years now but up until approx. 18 mths ago he was still visiting the family home, we have a son together and I was also helping him with some letters. I recently pulled down an old shed in the garden and discovered files and paperwork that he had hidden away and they were shocking. I am not talking porno although a lot of the website addresses he had noted down looked dodgy, but worrying things like notes about where I had been at precise times of day, what he had done during the day and what he had said on the telephone to people, what he had dreamt about which people were in the dreams, if there were any animals in them and all sorts of wierd stuff, and the worst for me was pages of my own email account and password, website accounts from lottery to ancestry etc with email addresses and passwords, all my acccounts, all my relatives private phone numbers, and some listings of IP addresses and computer data, most of which I didnt understand. I am thinking that this is suspect and shows intent, and is data theft or something - am I right? is this an offence? how do I know if I am being stalked via my computer. He had a history of stalking in the past, and made months and months of silent phone calls to me. Can I get some sort of court order to stop him coming near me and the house at all, he is also trying to get access to the house via his solicitor by saying he must do conveyancing and marketing if we sell.

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      • #4
        Hello Gwenlillian
        I can certainly understand your shock at finding this dossier but I think you already knew he was not Mr. Right (slight understatement!) and that is why you split up so good for you. Now one of the Legal Experts will be able to advise you on your next move but in my uneducated opinion I think that although this would send shivers down your spine you should be proud of the fact that without this evidence you got rid of him. Now you don’t need me to tell you to change any online and bank accounts. Also, passwords, pin numbers and even your email address if any are the same as they were then and make sure none are significant or obvious. You have probably done this already. Might not be a bad idea to check your credit file -just use one of the free ones -just in case he has been using your details.
        Don’t worry about the details of his dreams btw. Lots of people analyse them and this bit might not be as sinister as it sounds. I was on some medication once and had I written down my dreams I would have been locked away somewhere very, very soft and quiet! The other stuff is not just creepy but a violation of your privacy.
        On the plus side, as I said earlier you already had enough proof to split with him now you simply have the physical proof not only backing up what you always knew but lots of lovely ammunition! You may be shocked because it was worse than you thought or perhaps there were occasions when you suspected he was this obsessive but were afraid to dwell on that thought.
        I would definitely keep all of this in a very, very safe place. Perhaps copy it all onto a hard drive, disc or dongle as well as keeping the originals even if the legal chaps on here advise you not to do anything with it. I would be wary about letting him know you have this until you need to / are advised to as the last thing you want is him hammering around to the house to try and get it back.
        My first reaction would be to speak to the police but let’s see what the beagles advise. In my opinion this is certainly a form of abuse.
        Not sure who to tag -perhaps the wonderful Kati might be able to help?
        P xxxxxxxx

        An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
        ~ Anonymous

        Comment


        • #5
          hi and thank you for your supportive comments. Yes I am changing everything but need to let my relatives know that he also has their email addresses etc. Found several photos that I had thought 'lost' also and confirmation of my suspicions re other women too. Meantime, his solicitor has been saying that I have to let him in the house to do the 'selling' and that is why i think i need a restraining order or something. He has tried to bug my flat when I first knew him but I couldnt prove it and I now think he is tracking me somehow or has bugged my house but I dont want to sound paranoid. I have heard of a device you can use to find such things but couldnt afford to buy that, so will have to wait and see. I am holding off from selling as we will be in negative equity and homeless, which is his plan of course, as I am challenging the mortgage charges but the lender wont deal with me alone and he has refused to sign the paperwork - being that his name is unfortuantely on the house deeds but he doesnt pay anything. Oh sorry, bit of a moan there.

          Comment


          • #6
            Please, please do not apologise for moaning – You are not moaning but stating the facts. This is a horrible situation and very serious!
            I have tagged Kati and she will know the particular beagles who are experts in this situation. When they get a chance, they will give you sound advise re your legal situation and the best moves.
            Although this is bound to be very distressing you can console yourself that you now have solid proof that this man was making your life a misery and would continue to do so given any opportunity. He may want to gain access because he wants to retrieve his nasty little collection -who knows but at least no one can accuse you of over reacting or being a fantasist if you want to deny him future access to the house. This is your home; your sanctuary. You have a right to feel safe and secure in your own home regardless of who’s name is on the paperwork.
            Sit tight for the moment and as soon as the right Beagles come on line they will help. You will get through this!
            Pxx

            An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
            ~ Anonymous

            Comment


            • #7
              Actually, I will give Amethyst a shout as well. Oh and Diana M
              Px
              Last edited by PAWS; 29th January 2018, 16:58:PM.

              An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
              ~ Anonymous

              Comment


              • #8
                thank you so much - I have been putting up with so much for so long by being 'blind' - I might not be back on here til tonight x

                Comment


                • #9
                  sorry PAWS gwenlillian (I've been out all day) ... as well as the people that PAWS has tagged, I'll also tag Crazy council leclerc Peridot
                  Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.

                  It doesn't matter where your journey begins, so long as you begin it...

                  recte agens confido

                  ~~~~~

                  Any advice I provide is given without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

                  I can be emailed if you need my help loading pictures/documents to your thread. My email address is kati@legalbeaglesgroup.com
                  But please include a link to your thread so I know who you are.

                  Specialist advice can be sought via our sister site JustBeagle

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks a million!
                    Px

                    An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
                    ~ Anonymous

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Moan all you like xxx
                      You might want a non-molestation order and/or an occupation order - there is an overview here;
                      https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domest...ity-occupation
                      You should get some support dealing with this though - http://www.ncdv.org.uk/ and Womens Aid ( https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ ) might be able to recommend someone to use near you.
                      Ula

                      Diana M for the housing / reposession issue xxx
                      Common Sense .... if in doubt, use it !

                      “We may not win by protesting, but if we don’t protest we will lose. If we stand up to them, there is always a chance we will win.” Hetty Bower

                      Any support I provide is offered without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

                      Find Solicitors offering fixed fees on our sister site - JustBeagle.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi - I have been reading through those links - very useful. I am sitting tight just for now to see if he pushes forward with the house sale thing or not, and I am considering whether to make a police complaint under the Data Protection Act or somesuch, just not sure if it is a criminal offence and whether I would have to show harm to me by my ex having that info. I certainly think it shows almost predatory behaviour and intention to commit something or other, or control et al, and I am hoping that I can force a report into his mental health, as he is a sociopath at the very least. Whatever I do I will be hit with something by his solicitor friend, who already produced a character assassination of me for him despite my sending all the evidence to the contrary. Same solicitor telling me to let him in run the house conveyance and pay all the cost alone, and so rude in his letters, about how "as sure as night follows day" I will lose.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I think you should try and go have a chat with the police in any event. Stalking is taken far more seriously now than it has been in the past and the documents you have found seem to evidence a rather unhealthy obsession. I'd also take the letters from the 'solicitor friend' with you to show he is trying to get into the house. Even if the police can't take any action it will be flagged up with them and they should be able to ensure if you did have to contact them with anything to do with him in future it would be treated seriously and dealt with immediately.
                          Common Sense .... if in doubt, use it !

                          “We may not win by protesting, but if we don’t protest we will lose. If we stand up to them, there is always a chance we will win.” Hetty Bower

                          Any support I provide is offered without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

                          Find Solicitors offering fixed fees on our sister site - JustBeagle.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I do agree with Amethyst - I totally understand you just want a quiet life and the thoughts of a big huha with the police might leave you cold but a word in season now may be all that is needed to stop his behaviour and guard against things escalating. As Amethyst said, at this stage they may only have a firm chat with him tell him to ‘reign it in’. So, no big palaver but he would know that you have had enough and that the police ‘KNOW HIM’.
                            Anyway -what ever you decide you can always come on and chat. It is also good to have a look through other threads that may cover some of your own issues.
                            Px

                            An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
                            ~ Anonymous

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hi - updating this thread now there have been some developments. The original threats to sell did not materialise, but I needed to get a declaration of trust re the share/division of the jointly owned property. My requests were ignored until I made it clear that I could not carry on paying for everything forever and that the property might be in or go into negative equity if I didn't do something. I have been out of work and struggling to maintain a home for my son, (his son also) and hoped he would get to Uni this autumnso be a good time to sell. His response was that we should not sell the house as it is a good investment and that we should all get money out of it, his words not mine. It's all very well saying that he doesnt want to lose out on a good house but hasnt put up any money for repair or maintenance or improvement of the property, only me. I have now got a letter from the court for a sale order hearing from him, now going to force the sale of the house, even though it might bring little money if any. My interpretation of that is that this is a malicious act designed to cause maximum distress. He has not once suggested selling up in over 8 years, but now, all of a sudden, he thinks he is at financial risk. Technically he and I have always been at risk being joint mortgagors as either party might die, go bankrupt, etc. As I have spent a small fortune over the years on the property, and he has spent nothing, not even his half of the mortgage, I am looking to get a fair division of the property as it stands today. I have split the joint tenancy with Land Registry. His solcitor is telling me that he is entitled to half and that he has paid all the bills and the mortgage since he left which he has not. I now having to get all my bills and statements together but also want to counter claim for the bills he left behind. I have about 10 days to submit the forms to the court. I am being driven mad by this person - have reported his shouting at me in the street, and the data theft to the police. All these U-turns and accusations that are often a mirror of his own behaviour, it is all very bizarre and diffiult to deal with. I noticed some articles in the papers about how women very often do not survive such relationships as insufficient value is placed on home-makers, women who give up their careers and twenty years later find, like me, that they have nothing, no decent pension, and that new laws are required to balance things up, as wage earning is often reduced for women too. I am facing a bleak future with this action, yet when he walked away he said he didnt want the house, and this is my pension, my investment. About to lose everything if I cannot show what has been going on with this person and need an injunction too, so dont know if I can add that to the counter claim or what.
                              thanks.

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