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Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice please

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  • Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice please

    I feel I have a few mountains to climb and am desperate of any help..
    I am using Martin Lewis forums also at the moment- debt free wannabe
    so where do i start..

    I asked my husband to leave after 13 years marriage 3 weeks ago.. he went to his sisters, we have a 9 year old daughter. I have been desperately unhappy for many years and it all went pop when i wanted to start clearing our debts properly but he wasn't really interested.. WE have not slept together for 10 years + .I am 43 he is 47.. my first feeling is relief as i don't have to go through my life on egg shells any more. I am nurse working with NHS

    we have debts in separate names but mortgage is joint .. £103K mortgage value approx £145k.. I have a great mum dad and sister.. dad said he will help me financially and do all he can to stay where I am with my daughter..My husband and i are not the type to stab each others back,,we don't want a messy divorce.. We have had 1 chat so far tip toeing about maintenance, assets mortgage.went as good as it could in circumstances he is gutted all over , don't think he thought i was brave enough to do this

    My dad will help with divorce costs or even pay him a equity share.. so i was going to start with issuing divorce papers cost £550. and i did look at using Wikivorce online to draw up a consent order re finances??

    Story regarding house..
    ... I bought my own house ( not one in now) when i qualified as a nurse in 2000. I met husband when he was in the navy in 2001 ,, he soon left and moved in.. Not long after it emerged he had a consolidation loan which he thought was due to end but when we enquired he still owed £13000... I put this on my mortgage and paid it all off..
    WE moved in 2006 to house still in he wasn't on mortgage during move as had bad credit score... In 2011 we re mortgaged to do our kitchen up.. credit better so we asked about putting him on mortgage which was done and also a transfer of equity done..

    On now looking at land registry he is named as the registered proprietor .. no mention of me, as i said we both are on the mortgage so if someone could help me with this i would be grateful.. ( he is not however going to come sweeping back to claim house )as he will not upset daughter in any way

    I hope i am not being realistic about staying here.. My dad bought our caravan 3 years ago so i have asked husband about me selling and he said " well i am not going to be towing it again am i " so i was going to look at selling this to pay off some debt.. he has a nice car so i suggested he sell / downgrade so he could pay off some debts but he wasn't keen to do this.. I am just trying to keep costs down as i have no money ( although my kind dad does ) to sort all this out properly. My budget i have set in other forum is tight but so able.. it is nice to get control back about finances . and if i have to sell house then so be it.. sorry for long post. and thank you if anyone can guide me further
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  • #2
    Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice please

    Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice please

    I feel I have a few mountains to climb and am desperate of any help..
    I am using Martin Lewis forums also at the moment- debt free wannabe
    so where do i start..

    I asked my husband to leave after 13 years marriage 3 weeks ago.. he went to his sisters, we have a 9 year old daughter. I have been desperately unhappy for many years and it all went pop when i wanted to start clearing our debts properly but he wasn't really interested.. WE have not slept together for 10 years + .I am 43 he is 47.. my first feeling is relief as i don't have to go through my life on egg shells any more. I am nurse working with NHS

    we have debts in separate names but mortgage is joint .. £103K mortgage value approx £145k.. I have a great mum dad and sister.. dad said he will help me financially and do all he can to stay where I am with my daughter..My husband and i are not the type to stab each others back,,we don't want a messy divorce.. We have had 1 chat so far tip toeing about maintenance, assets mortgage.went as good as it could in circumstances he is gutted all over , don't think he thought i was brave enough to do this

    My dad will help with divorce costs or even pay him a equity share.. so i was going to start with issuing divorce papers cost £550. and i did look at using Wikivorce online to draw up a consent order re finances??

    Story regarding house..
    ... I bought my own house ( not one in now) when i qualified as a nurse in 2000. I met husband when he was in the navy in 2001 ,, he soon left and moved in.. Not long after it emerged he had a consolidation loan which he thought was due to end but when we enquired he still owed £13000... I put this on my mortgage and paid it all off..
    WE moved in 2006 to house still in he wasn't on mortgage during move as had bad credit score... In 2011 we re mortgaged to do our kitchen up.. credit better so we asked about putting him on mortgage which was done and also a transfer of equity done..

    On now looking at land registry he is named as the registered proprietor .. no mention of me, as i said we both are on the mortgage so if someone could help me with this i would be grateful.. ( he is not however going to come sweeping back to claim house )as he will not upset daughter in any way

    I hope i am not being realistic about staying here.. My dad bought our caravan 3 years ago so i have asked husband about me selling and he said " well i am not going to be towing it again am i " so i was going to look at selling this to pay off some debt.. he has a nice car so i suggested he sell / downgrade so he could pay off some debts but he wasn't keen to do this.. I am just trying to keep costs down as i have no money ( although my kind dad does ) to sort all this out properly. My budget i have set in other forum is tight but so able.. it is nice to get control back about finances . and if i have to sell house then so be it.. sorry for long post. and thank you if anyone can guide me further

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

      Kazza -It sounds to me like you are clearing that lake out with a bulldozer and good for you!
      The clever beagles will be along when they get a sec to give you sound advice on your debts but try not to panic as on the surface you are not in very bad shape. It probably seems worse because you have just made one of the toughest and biggest decisions you will ever make and are probably still a bit shell shocked.
      You are going in the right direction and you will get through this!
      Px

      An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good'!
      ~ Anonymous

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

        [MENTION=6]Amethyst[/MENTION] and [MENTION=85500]Peridot[/MENTION] may have ideas or suggestions (I've tagged them for you)
        Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.

        It doesn't matter where your journey begins, so long as you begin it...

        recte agens confido

        ~~~~~

        Any advice I provide is given without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

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        But please include a link to your thread so I know who you are.

        Specialist advice can be sought via our sister site JustBeagle

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        • #5
          Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

          Thanks so much for this reply... It makes it all a little easier . I feel like I am swinging on a trapeze but do have lots of lovely people to catch me if i fall ... I know i am doing the right thing just wading through all the law side is alien to me.
          Karen

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

            Okay, 3 weeks isn't very long so I'd take things slow and not rush headlong into anything. Let things settle down a bit, once Divorce proceedings start things can get more complicated as both parties figure out what they need/want going forward and realise there's no point being nice cause there's no going back. If he isn't going to contest the divorce then yes it is perfectly practicable to do it yourself, however no fault divorce isn't available yet, and so if you aren't going to claim unreasonable behaviour, adultery or desertion ( think those last two are out anyway in your case ) you would need to wait for 2 years of separation with consent or 5 without. Getting divorce papers quoting something that isn't true can be a bit of a fire starter for animosity and set off all kinds of crap with the finances.

            Firstly, can you afford your mortgage on your own ? and if he did agree to have it transferred over to you without wanting anything out of it ( has he helped pay mortgage, maintenance etc over the years ?) are you in a position where the mortgage lender would agree to that ? He might want to keep helping with the mortgage, retain his interest in it and agree to you keeping it till the child is 18 - then you have issues to think of regards his debts - are they likely to increase then default, get secured on the house and so on.
            Utilities/Council Tax etc are they all in just your name? up to date ? Are you able to manage these all on your own?
            Can you afford to cover the debts that are in just your name? Have you double checked there's nothing in joint names? and is he servicing debts in his name on his own ?
            The caravan sale, how much would you get from that, your dad has agreed that you can sell it to use the proceeds to pay up your debts, so look realistically how much it is likely to bring in and how much of your debts can be settled with it. Are the debts mainly credit cards or are there other loans / car finance etc in there?

            I would certainly recommend a solicitor to advise you at this early stage and assist with financial consent order. Many will do a low fixed cost advice session with you and that would be money well spent to get things sorted properly. You needn't wait for the divorce to get that underway.

            Well done for taking this giant leap... it will work out, just be a bit of a muddy puddle for a while ....
            Common Sense .... if in doubt, use it !

            “We may not win by protesting, but if we don’t protest we will lose. If we stand up to them, there is always a chance we will win.” Hetty Bower

            Any support I provide is offered without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

            Find Solicitors offering fixed fees on our sister site - JustBeagle.com

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

              Thanks for advice
              I have never missed payments and my plan is to sell caravan and clear £4500 credit card debt leaving approx £2000 left on credit card 0% balance transfer done recently on both, i do have a personal loan with tesco which is im ashamed to say is £19000 and i pay £280 pm..
              I have gone through a realistic although tight budget which includes everything i need including emergencies, car maintanance, dentist etc etc and come out just above ....this is without selling caravan so when i do that i can use this to chuck at other credit card of say £120 p month.. i can probably reduce my food budget a bit too.. I have completed a quick on line tool with Nationwide re mortgage in my own right and it gives me what i need ( mortgage of £103k) on this disclosing £2000 credit card debt which i will end up with realistically and a repayment of £150 pm for loan not £280 as i pay now....... My dad has said he could give me a payment to reduce this Tesco loan.. I worry like mad that when i come to ask the Nationwide to re mortgage they will turn me away, but hope to put things in place to make it all look a bit more rosier when i do this.. My mum and dad are on holiday . i will look into getting a solicitor when they get back.. My dad has said he will give him owed equity if needed

              I figured grounds for divorce are for me unreasonable behaviour.. He wasn't willing to sort our debts out properly and i was unable to have any more sleepless nights about this i Know if we continued we would head for disaster financially.. He drinks excessive amounts of gin ( costly) although i do like a glass of wine it comes no where near the amount he can drink ( very costly and sucked up all our spare money). walked on egg shells most of time as he was unable to communicate, he thought talking to his back was acceptable and he would say " i can hear you, i don't need to see you". I had to tip toe into " his room " most mornings to pass a message about school etc,, he would have his back to me when he was in his bed and i stood at doorway, he would never turn around as " he didn't need to look at me as he could hear me"and the landing light was shining in his eyes ... we would then argue and i would go to work many mornings crying. we have not had sex for months ,, don't think this year cant remember , we have not slept with each other for over 10 years,, this did start as he snored terribly.. but no effort made to fix this. I hope this is enough grounds .. feeling very unloved. lonely knowing we would lose our house one day was all a bit too much for me so i was brave enough to leave..

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                Sounds like a lovely man ... you are definately better off out of it. Whether it is un-lovely enough to be classed as unreasonable behaviour I don't know, but if you're over on Divorce-online then they are pretty knowledgable about what goes through - if you discuss it with husband before hand and he agrees not to contest then it's probably less of an issue.

                This Tesco loan - are you thinking of refinancing it ? Normally if you make a lump sum payment it simply reduces the term rather than the monthly payment amounts, so might be worth asking them and checking you are able to pay a lump sum off early without penalty and rearrange payments ( on a quick look at tesco they have a 2 month interest penalty for early repayment so I'm not sure it will be as straightforward as you think ( and as it should be !) )
                Common Sense .... if in doubt, use it !

                “We may not win by protesting, but if we don’t protest we will lose. If we stand up to them, there is always a chance we will win.” Hetty Bower

                Any support I provide is offered without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

                Find Solicitors offering fixed fees on our sister site - JustBeagle.com

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                  Originally posted by kazza292 View Post
                  Thanks for advice
                  I have never missed payments and my plan is to sell caravan and clear £4500 credit card debt leaving approx £2000 left on credit card 0% balance transfer done recently on both, i do have a personal loan with tesco which is im ashamed to say is £19000 and i pay £280 pm..
                  I have gone through a realistic although tight budget which includes everything i need including emergencies, car maintanance, dentist etc etc and come out just above ....this is without selling caravan so when i do that i can use this to chuck at other credit card of say £120 p month.. i can probably reduce my food budget a bit too.. I have completed a quick on line tool with Nationwide re mortgage in my own right and it gives me what i need ( mortgage of £103k) on this disclosing £2000 credit card debt which i will end up with realistically and a repayment of £150 pm for loan not £280 as i pay now....... My dad has said he could give me a payment to reduce this Tesco loan.. I worry like mad that when i come to ask the Nationwide to re mortgage they will turn me away, but hope to put things in place to make it all look a bit more rosier when i do this.. My mum and dad are on holiday . i will look into getting a solicitor when they get back.. My dad has said he will give him owed equity if needed

                  I figured grounds for divorce are for me unreasonable behaviour.. He wasn't willing to sort our debts out properly and i was unable to have any more sleepless nights about this i Know if we continued we would head for disaster financially.. He drinks excessive amounts of gin ( costly) although i do like a glass of wine it comes no where near the amount he can drink ( very costly and sucked up all our spare money). walked on egg shells most of time as he was unable to communicate, he thought talking to his back was acceptable and he would say " i can hear you, i don't need to see you". I had to tip toe into " his room " most mornings to pass a message about school etc,, he would have his back to me when he was in his bed and i stood at doorway, he would never turn around as " he didn't need to look at me as he could hear me"and the landing light was shining in his eyes ... we would then argue and i would go to work many mornings crying. we have not had sex for months ,, don't think this year cant remember , we have not slept with each other for over 10 years,, this did start as he snored terribly.. but no effort made to fix this. I hope this is enough grounds .. feeling very unloved. lonely knowing we would lose our house one day was all a bit too much for me so i was brave enough to leave..
                  It sounds as though you both got into a bit of a rut and you have gotten to breaking point before he has.

                  In terms of re-mortgaging, while nationwide might be your comfort zone if you are already with them, do have a shop around at what else might be available to you as if you have to go through the process you may as well make sure you are absolutely getting the best deal. It's also very unlikely Tesco will allow an over payment on the loan, they usually only allow the fixed monthly repayments or full settlement.

                  I used to be a financial adviser for a bank, so I would have advised adding the £6,500 (credit card balances) to your mortgage if the lenders will allow on your LTV ration and calculation of loan based on annual salary. I would find out the early settlement figure from Tesco, knock off the £4,500 for the caravan plus any other amount your dad agrees to add and then look at a new loan for the remaining figure.

                  The cumulative effect should be that your mortgage payment plus new loan payment will be lower than the combined Mortgage, Loan and sum you're putting aside for the credit card, thus resulting in a little extra cash. And the financial adviser in me says what ever that little windfall is, 25% goes away for a rainy day, 25% in an account for your daughters future and the remaining 50% to give you some extra cash in pocket each month.

                  Good luck
                  My posts on this forum are offered based on my experience dealing with a variety of life events. I have no formal legal training and if in doubt take professional legal advice or contact the CAB. If you follow anything I write on this forum you do so at your own risk and I accept no liability for any loss, costs or other out comes.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                    Originally posted by jaguarsuk View Post
                    I used to be a financial adviser for a bank, so I would have advised adding the £6,500 (credit card balances) to your mortgage i

                    . . . . The cumulative effect should be that your mortgage payment plus new loan payment will be lower than the combined Mortgage, Loan and sum you're putting aside for the credit card, thus resulting in a little extra cash. And the financial adviser in me says what ever that little windfall is, 25% goes away for a rainy day, 25% in an account for your daughters future and the remaining 50% to give you some extra cash in pocket each month.
                    The downside of that scenario is it turns an unsecured debt into a secured debt putting the home at risk if the borrower struggles to keep up with the payments.

                    While the monthly repayments may appear lower the actual repayments over the long term (a mortgage of 15/20/25 years) may result in paying back far more interest so not necessarily a windfall.

                    Di
                    I am a Litigation Executive at Joanna Connolly Solicitors a firm which specialises in consumer credit.

                    This forumís site rules donít allow me to give advice by PM but if you need to contact me please email di@joannaconnollysolicitors.co.uk. Our initial advice is always free.


                    Any posts I make on LegalBeagles are for information and discussion purposes only and shouldn't be seen as legal advice. Any advice I provide is without liability. If you are unsure please seek formal legal guidance or contact your local citizens advice bureau at https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                      Originally posted by jaguarsuk View Post
                      I used to be a financial adviser for a bank, so I would have advised adding the £6,500 (credit card balances) to your mortgage
                      and therein lies the problem with banks xxx
                      Common Sense .... if in doubt, use it !

                      “We may not win by protesting, but if we don’t protest we will lose. If we stand up to them, there is always a chance we will win.” Hetty Bower

                      Any support I provide is offered without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

                      Find Solicitors offering fixed fees on our sister site - JustBeagle.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                        Originally posted by Diana M View Post
                        The downside of that scenario is it turns an unsecured debt into a secured debt putting the home at risk if the borrower struggles to keep up with the payments.

                        While the monthly repayments may appear lower the actual repayments over the long term (a mortgage of 15/20/25 years) may result in paying back far more interest so not necessarily a windfall.

                        Di
                        Indeed, it's to demonstrate a way of lowering the monthly cost and would lead to more interest long run.

                        Don't get me wrong, if the OP can comfortably afford her plan, then it will deliver the better end result. If that's the eventual route she goes down, she shouldn't pay the £2,000 off each month, she should pay the amount of the monthly instalment into the highest interest cash ISA she can find, then pay the balance at the end of the 0% term. She will earn interest on her money while the credit card company don't apply any to the debt.

                        The main stumbling block I see is the Tesco loan, because their finance is offered via RBS whom did away with Flexible Unsecured loans before the turn on the century. It will mean the only two options are pay the set payments for the whole term or settle the balance.

                        That £19,000 is only the figure if she keeps paying the whole term as that's the figure inclusive of all interest, the early settlement should be less. The best thing to do is find out if there is a flexible option to overpay and if not request the early settlement figure because they only tend to send them by post. Obviously if you don't settle by the date on it the figure will change, but it will give some sort of ball park settlement figure if that's the route you have to go down.

                        It actually comes down to whether the goal for the OP is to pay as little long terms as possible or to get the debts to the lowest monthly figure possible right now to accommodate her new financial situation.

                        - - - Updated - - -

                        Originally posted by Amethyst View Post
                        and therein lies the problem with banks xxx
                        The problem I had with the bank I worked for is that I read their PPI policy, I realised it was useless to the majority of their customers, they were hard nosed about targeting me to sell it and I couldn't in good consciousness keep selling it. Swift career change.
                        My posts on this forum are offered based on my experience dealing with a variety of life events. I have no formal legal training and if in doubt take professional legal advice or contact the CAB. If you follow anything I write on this forum you do so at your own risk and I accept no liability for any loss, costs or other out comes.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                          Good on you xxx I know staff are under a lot of pressure to hit targets and that leads to a lot of misselling that goes on ( still ) but it does still shock me how so many employees carry on doing it and still manage to sleep soundly- I really don't think I could manage it. A mobile phone call centre guy posted the other day saying pretty much the same and at risk of losing his job for missing targets on unecessary mobile phone insurance

                          Oops off topic ramble there xxx
                          Common Sense .... if in doubt, use it !

                          “We may not win by protesting, but if we don’t protest we will lose. If we stand up to them, there is always a chance we will win.” Hetty Bower

                          Any support I provide is offered without liability, if you are unsure please seek professional legal guidance.

                          Find Solicitors offering fixed fees on our sister site - JustBeagle.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                            Two bits of news, firstly I contacted Tesco yesterday and they said no problem paying a sum mid term and then i can choose to reduce payments or shorten length etc.

                            Secondly i was confused about land registry as i stated in opening thread and have had a response back this morning saying the following YIPPEEEE Message i sent :
                            I am confused about name/s on land registry for this address.
                            I moved into this property in 2006 with my husband who at the time was not included on the mortgage as he had debts.
                            In 2011 we re mortgaged and asked for his name to be added during this process. I have correspondence from conveyancing team stating they would undertake a re mortgage and transfer of equity. I am asking for a divorce now and he has moved out on my request. On now looking at the land registry it states he is the registered proprietor ( N******** *******) and i can see no mention of me .. Can you clarify this for me to help me understand where my name has gone. we are both down on the mortgage.
                            Thanks
                            Karen


                            Dear karen davies ( reply this morning)


                            Thank you for bringing this error to our attention.
                            I am sorry for the error made by HM Land Registry in completing the original registration and for the inconvenience caused.
                            I have corrected this and an updated copy of the register will be sent by post tonight.
                            Yours sincerely

                            **********
                            HM Land Registry

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Starting to empty my lake with a spoon.. one day to be a puddle... any advice ple

                              Originally posted by kazza292 View Post
                              Two bits of news, firstly I contacted Tesco yesterday and they said no problem paying a sum mid term and then i can choose to reduce payments or shorten length etc.

                              Secondly i was confused about land registry as i stated in opening thread and have had a response back this morning saying the following YIPPEEEEE.
                              Dear karen davies

                              Thank you for bringing this error to our attention.
                              I am sorry for the error made by HM Land Registry in completing the original registration and for the inconvenience caused.
                              I have corrected this and an updated copy of the register will be sent by post tonight.
                              Yours sincerely

                              **********
                              HM Land Registry
                              Excellent news on both fronts indeed.

                              Good luck with everything
                              My posts on this forum are offered based on my experience dealing with a variety of life events. I have no formal legal training and if in doubt take professional legal advice or contact the CAB. If you follow anything I write on this forum you do so at your own risk and I accept no liability for any loss, costs or other out comes.

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