Desperate for advice

[Dad08]

Hi, This is my first post but for the sake of my sanity I'm hoping someone could please give me some advice.

My son (12yrs old) lives with his mother and her partner. They have recently got married.
I have had regular contact with him since birth and always paid maintanance.

I've now been told that my ex wants to change his surname to that of her new husband.
His surname has always been that of his mum's (my ex). It apparantly suits their family unit to all have the same surname.

Can she do that?
What is the next step?

Thanks so much
Paul

[Amethyst]

Re: Desperate for advice

Do you have parental responsibility? (are you on the Birth Certificate or have it via court order etc - your son born in 2002 ?) If so she cannot change the child's name without your consent.

Were you ever married to the child's mother?

The law on family names

You cannot simply change a child's last name when you remarry or set up a new partnership. The Court has the duty to decide what is in the best interests of the child. An application to change a child's surname is normally only successful when everyone having parental responsibility for the child gives their written consent.

They may agree to the name change or they may order a Specific Issue Order stating you cannot change the child's name. If there is a Residence Order there will automatically be a provision stating that the child's surname cannot be changed without the written consent of every other person who has parental responsibility or the Court.

A mother, or father, cannot change a child's surname by herself or himself unless she or he is the only person with parental responsibility. Even then if the other parent objects a Court Order should be made. Any child who has sufficient legal understanding may apply in their own right for the Court's permission to change their name.

[Dad08]

Re: Desperate for advice

I'm so grateful for the advice!
I wasn't married however I am on the birth certificate. I also applied for, and was granted parental responsibility.
Would it alter it at all if he wanted to change his name? He doesn't at all I'm just worried she will manipulate things.

[Amethyst]

Re: Desperate for advice

He couldn't change it himself until he was over 18. He could agree with his mother to change it to his stepfathers name but couldn't change it without your agreement, or a court order.

If they felt that strongly about it then they could apply to the court and the court would rule what is in the best interest of the child. That could turn out to be the same name as the 'family unit'. As the child doesn't have your surname it could well go in her favour as she isn't 'removing you' from his identity.

Your ex partner doesn't have to change her name when she marries, and it isn't unheard of for the husband to change his name.

[MissFM]

Re: Desperate for advice

One thing you might like to consider is to add in and/or hyphenate. It seems to be an increasingly common compromise that allows the child to identify with each family name. Just a thought x

[Dad08]

Re: Desperate for advice

Thanks so much. I'm really hoping we can resolve this. My ex refuses to speak to me about it.

[Kati]

Re: Desperate for advice

Thanks so much. I'm really hoping we can resolve this. My ex refuses to speak to me about it.

I hope you manage to get it sorted xx