Access rights / where to start

[help-me]

Hi,

Hoping someone can offer some advice here...

My sister recently split up with her partner who she has a 1 year old child with. He has taken this quite badly and has been very threatening / intimidating and she is very worried and doesn't know what the best thing to do is.

They've had a volatile relationship (particularly since the birth of their child), during this time he has been violent towards her (of which I have only just found out the true extent). On one of these occasions she had to call the police to have him removed from her house and to take the then 6 month old off of him as he wouldn't give him back. This actually resulted in 4 police officers having to come round as he was putting the baby in danger and he was then arrested and charged (not sure what the actual charge was but he had to appear in court and was fined), unfortunately she ended up taking him back.

He is now being quite threatening and intimidating towards her, and is threatening to try get custody of their child (which I know the courts wouldn't give him, she is a model mum with no convictions etc, whilst he has a criminal record for violence plus the time he endangered their child, he cannot provide for his child, is living with his parents where he has to share a room with his younger sibling).

Due to the threats, violence and how temperamental he (and his family) is she doesn't feel comfortable allowing him access to their child unless supervised, she believes that if he has access unsupervised he would not return the child and would endanger him. She doesn't want their child to grow up without his dad but also wants to know he is safe and will be brought back to her.

where does she stand? he has said he is meeting up with a mediation person to gain access and custody, will she be forced to allow him unsupervised access given the above?

Thanks

[Nikolai]

Re: Access rights / where to start

She should refuse him all access ("contact" is what they call it now), to force him into applying for it in court. The court is unlikely to grant him unsupervised contact given the history. Tell her not to worry about the child growing up without his dad - sounds like the child might be better off without him, at least for the present time. She must look after herself in this situation.

[leclerc]

Re: Access rights / where to start

Hi,

Hoping someone can offer some advice here...

My sister recently split up with her partner who she has a 1 year old child with. He has taken this quite badly and has been very threatening / intimidating and she is very worried and doesn't know what the best thing to do is.
Not let him into the house where she lives is the first thing.
They've had a volatile relationship (particularly since the birth of their child), during this time he has been violent towards her (of which I have only just found out the true extent). On one of these occasions she had to call the police to have him removed from her house and to take the then 6 month old off of him as he wouldn't give him back. This actually resulted in 4 police officers having to come round as he was putting the baby in danger and he was then arrested and charged (not sure what the actual charge was but he had to appear in court and was fined), unfortunately she ended up taking him back.

He is now being quite threatening and intimidating towards her, and is threatening to try get custody of their child (which I know the courts wouldn't give him, she is a model mum with no convictions etc, whilst he has a criminal record for violence plus the time he endangered their child, he cannot provide for his child, is living with his parents where he has to share a room with his younger sibling).


Due to the threats, violence and how temperamental he (and his family) is she doesn't feel comfortable allowing him access to their child unless supervised, she believes that if he has access unsupervised he would not return the child and would endanger him. She doesn't want their child to grow up without his dad but also wants to know he is safe and will be brought back to her.

where does she stand? he has said he is meeting up with a mediation person to gain access and custody, will she be forced to allow him unsupervised access given the above?

Thanks

She needs to put across her side of the story but ultimately she should be stating a number of things.
1) She wants contact between her child and their father.
2) She feels unsafe that that contact is at her home so a neutral venue such as a SureStart centre/chidlren's centre would be preferred, perhaps at a young parents event or if there is a young father's group, then that might be good for the child and the father.

One thing I would completely disagree with Nikolai about is saying no contact whatsoever. Family courts look at what is in the best interests of the child. Studies show that it is in the child's interests to have contact with both parents which should lead to a stable upbringing.

Personally, I think you should say you would feel safer that the child is initially seen in a supervised environment, initially, and then after a period of say 6 months or 12 months that it is reviewed with a view to it being unsupervised. However, due to the history that has happened between both of them that the pick up/drop off point be at a neutral venue.

[Nikolai]

Re: Access rights / where to start

A refusal of contact in such circumstances would hardly be criticised by the court - father's history and convictions are bound to count against him. The court would impose strict conditions on contact if it grants contact at all.
Refusal would make father apply to court if he was serious, or he might just decide he couldn't be bothered - many of them can't.

[leclerc]

Re: Access rights / where to start

A refusal of contact in such circumstances would hardly be criticised by the court - father's history and convictions are bound to count against him. The court would impose strict conditions on contact if it grants contact at all.
Refusal would make father apply to court if he was serious, or he might just decide he couldn't be bothered - many of them can't.

If you have dealt with CAFCASS then you would know that it is incorrect because what the court's look to is about what is in the best interests of the child and not the wants of the parent. If the OP can categorise threats against the child then potentially the court may decide no access but DENYING the child the right to have contact would not be looked on kindly by a court.

[Nikolai]

Re: Access rights / where to start

This man has been violent, threatening and intimidating to the mother, and has previously been arrested and convicted for his actions in endangering the baby.
Any family court welfare officer is going to have a lot of sympathy for mother in this situation. So will a family court. Although the court may grant an application made by father for contact it would have to be supervised given the history. All I'm saying is that if mother refuses contact initially, this may prompt father into making his application to the court.

[labman]

Re: Access rights / where to start

Nikolai,

Do you mind me asking if this is the area in which you work(ed)? I ask because the bulk of your posts have been on this issue, and you are clearly very self assured in the area. It can be useful on the site to know where to signpost people when they first arrive.

In this case, can the mother not pre-empt any potential court hearing by allowing access, but only in a supervised area as she does not feel safe allowing her ex into her home? In the circumstances this would seem entirely reasonable to me, but I have no particular expertise in this area, just a general knowledge.

[leclerc]

Re: Access rights / where to start

This man has been violent, threatening and intimidating to the mother, and has previously been arrested and convicted for his actions in endangering the baby.
Any family court welfare officer is going to have a lot of sympathy for mother in this situation. So will a family court. Although the court may grant an application made by father for contact it would have to be supervised given the history. All I'm saying is that if mother refuses contact initially, this may prompt father into making his application to the court.

I still am in disagreement with cutting contact on the basis that I believe that cutting it completely would be viewed merely as being in the interests of the adult and not the child.

[Pollyandharvey]

Re: Access rights / where to start

leclerc, is quite correct. Family Courts look at what is in the best interests of the child. Current findings show, that it is important to the Child to have contact with both its parents. There is a mistaken correlation, that if someone has been violent to their partner, it follows they would be violent to their child.

In reply to HelpMe, your sister needs to take legal advice from a Famly Law Specialist. However, contact should be attempted, it is not necessary for it to be at a contact centre, it could be arranged with the help of a trusted family member, or friend.


As for custody, depends on him first having parental responsibility (is he the named father on the birth certificate). The court would ask for reports on both parties including asking the Police to release their records. They would not make an order to take the child away from its Mother unless it is in the childs best interest to do so.

He sounds like a very immature threatening, bullying man. What he spouts, is not necessarily the truth, its just done to frighten her. She has rights too, an awful lot of them. So she should not ge intimidated by him.

[Nikolai]

Re: Access rights / where to start

I did work in this area for many years, but don't claim to have all the right answers. What I will say is that any post from me will genuinely try to offer practical help. Contact with father is in the child's long-term interest, we all agree on that. Getting that contact started is often difficult. It helps in cases like this to have a structured pattern of contact, say once a week, which mother and father have to stick to. There's no reason why this can't be agreed with the help of say a friend of both parties supervising the contact meetings, but informal arrangements like this frequently break down. It's usually more successful if the structure is imposed by a family court, which can then review matters after a couple of months.
For the record, I don't hold with refusing contact as a long term measure. It can be an effective means of getting the case into court asap, always assuming father is sincere enough to apply. As I said, many of them don't bother.
In the case posted by HelpMe, my view is that father would have no chance of getting a residence order, so mother need not worry about that threat from him. I also feel that the court would grant father's application for contact (perhaps with some reservations given the history) but that this would be strictly supervised initially, and may be at an official contact centre with qualified professionals on hand to supervise and offer advice.